The Other Side To Beautiful

I have written on this before. But I don't think I formed my thoughts well enough for an audience to understand. There are many people that believe I am "beautiful." They compliment me everyday.
"OH! how pretty!"
"Oh!You are so gorgeous!"

But, what is my first name?

People often get blinded by physcial attributes. They often forget about the unique character traits of a person. I don't want people to just remember me as "beautiful" or "pretty" I want them to remember what I stood for.

So what do I stand for?

Who am I?

I am Love. I stand for Love.

There are girls out there who would give their right arm to have several guys lust after them and shower them with endless compliments about how "gorgeous" they are and how "nice their lips" are. In my world I hear those "compliments" every other day. And well, most of those compliments have a impure intention attached to it. This I can do without.

I get tired of men lusting after me. I get tired of being their "fantasy" but never more than that. You don't marry your fantasy. You don't make love to your fantasy. You use your fantasy and then you pick another fantasy. I don't want to be any mans' fantasy.

I noticed that I am often the woman that men wink at, run into walls for and even trip downstairs for, but that's only because they believe that I am something that I am not. I am a human, first. I am a woman second. And therefore I have emotions and go through struggles just like the next woman.

But when men look at me, they truly believe that I am this elite goddess that can do no wrong, that never makes mistakes. They believe that I was born to be their PERFECT everything. I use to try to live up to that standard. But then I realized that living in a castle that was perfect was a very lonely way to live, because while I was up there being perfect and making sure that I stayed that way, they were moving on to other women who were not perfect. They were getting married to women who had flaws and were not afraid to embrace those flaws. They were getting married to women who lived, breathed and walked in reality. And that was a world that I thought I could not live in.

In the dating world, when I had bad days they would look at me in shock.

"Why are you crying? You aren't suppose to cry. You are PERFECT!"

"Why are you getting upset? You aren't suppose to get upset. You are PERFECT."

I was perfect, only when it benefitted them in some way. I was perfect when she wanted to give "tough love" (to which they needed) and she told him to "get it together or get lost!" I was perfect when they didn't want to face reality.

The truth is that no matter how beautiful a person is, they are not perfect. This is the reality that people run from. That is partly why so many women run to the store and buy new makeup. They want to cover their flaws. This way is somewhat deceitful. That is why so many want to work out. Sometimes we like to think that they are working out because they want to "better their health" but the truth is, they don't care about their health. They care about what "HE" (the man, the "goregous" man (gorgeous by perception) thinks of him. They want a body that the popular magazines claim will get them the MAN OF THEIR DREAMS.

But the man of their dreams probably isn't Mr. Universe. The man of their dreams might be the guy who works at the bakery across the street or the mechanic that fixes their car.

When I stopped wanting to be perfect in everyone elses' eyes and started living for me I discovered a new side to me. A more peaceful side. I realized my strengths. I started to work on my weaknesses. And in doing this I became a better woman. That was the goal all along.