A Step In The Right Direction: Graduation

The more I think about graduation, the more anxious I become. I don't feel ready to step out into the "real world" yet. I thought about just staying at my school and picking up another degree. But the thought of that makes me feel slightly silly. But only because all the people that are in my graduating class will have moved on to "bigger and better things."

At least that is one way of putting it.

I use to talk about how much I don't like my school. When I first set foot on that campus I wasn't "scared" at all. I just didn't want to be bothered. The fear started to creep in, after my aunt left me there. I was a freshman. I was away from my comfort zone, my room, my bed, all my stuff for the first time. I cried after she left. Thank GOD I had a loving, understanding roommate, with the patience of a lamb.

I still don't know where I fit in this world. I have been trying to figure it out for the longest time. All I know is that I liked reading to the first graders this past semester. I love to sing. I like to learn. I like to think. I'm hoping that my degree will help me in life somewhere along the line.

But I think mostly I hope that I will be able to save a life or two. I know, if I wanted to "save a life" then I should have went to medical school right? But, that was not my passion at the time, nor is it now.

I guess, I'm mostly speaking of saving a life in the sense that there are children out there who just need something as simple as a warm smiling face or a hug to get them through the day. We always think that our lives are bad, but that's because we are only focused on ourselves.

There are children, who did not ask to be born into this world who are abused.
They are hungry. They are tired. They started working at a young age just so they could help put food on the table.
There are some children, that all they know is loss and despair.
They have never seen a smile and they don't know what a difference a hug can make.

Its not just in other countries where those children live, but also in ours.

I want to make sure that the foundation that I am building for myself can also benefit the lives of other people.

Sometimes, we have to lose in order to find ourselves again.
I'm not fully certain how my mothers' death connects to the larger whole, but I'm sure I'm on the right track to finding out.

And that makes me smile.