In our life we will go through many different types of relationships. The bonds that we create with the variety of people in our life are each different. But they all count just the same.
When mothers day comes around everyone makes a very big deal about it. They should, of course, considering that you (the son or daughter) would not be on this earth if she (the mother) did not give birth to you. So, not only do you show appreciation for her life, but you get to celebrate your own, as well as the mother-daughter (son) bond that you will always have.
But what about the dads?
I never take fathers day too seriously because I don't have a parent with that title. But, no matter what poor experiences I encountered I still know that dads are important too.
They are important because, as for young girls they give them some kind of "outline" for how they should be treated when they enter into the dating world. That's why they say that most women pick men that are like their fathers. As for young boys they help guide them into manhood. Teach them how to be a man.
When I was a little girl I had a dad, a mom and a little sister. They were my family. And I loved them very much. But when my mother got sick I sensed that my world was going to change. And this was something that my seven year old heart wasn't powerful enough to understand much less stop. After my mothers funeral my dad took my little sister and disappeared. I remember looking him in the eye before they felt and asking, "can I go too?" He looked down at me and said "not today." He never came back for me. My heart was so broken. I always knew that he loved my little sister more, but I never could figure out why. And then when I was told that he was my stepdad, that I was not his flesh and blood, it made sense. He didn't take me because I wasn't his. Even though he was the only dad that I knew.
So I ran into my own world and I didn't come out...
In the absence of a father, a young girl can run into all kinds of problems going into her teenage years. I can safely say this because I was in that chaotic phase growing. I was always seeking some kind of protection or comfort. Even if I knew that it was no good for me. I couldn't explain it at the time, because I didn't understand the emotions that were related to it. I didn't know WHAT IT WAS that was driving to want this attention.
I didn't want to stop and really take a good look at myself in the mirror, because I was afraid of what I might find. I had to sit down and really think about it. On the surface, I seemed normal. Other people thought I had this great and awesome life. I used to try to keep up the image. But then I decided that I was lying to myself. And that wasn't the type of person I wanted to be.
When I started dating, I was dating all the wrong types. Some would say "that's normal for a teenage girl to want to be with a bad boy. Its a phase." That is what it was, but for some reason that phase was longer than normal. And all I wanted to do was figure out why. I went through so much heartache. So many nights staying up and crying. There were weeks when I didn't want to talk, hang out or eat.
I realized that I kept dating guys that were emotionally unavailable, guys that just wanted to have "fun," (which there is nothing wrong with that, but not at the expense of another persons feelings), guys that just wanted me around as their "trophy, " guys that just didn't care about my life. If I would have died any day back then, they wouldn't have known. And if by chance they heard about it, they wouldn't have cared. I was just another pretty face to them. Nothing special.
I thought that if I loved them enough that I could love their loneliness and pain away. I thought if I obeyed them and did what they said they would want to keep me around. Sometimes they did. But, only because they were bored, only because the girl that they really wanted to be with was not available. So there I was, "Place-holder" girl. And when she came back. I became "back-burner" girl. Always in the shadows, waiting by the phone for him to call me again, for him to want my attention in anyway. I would wait. And wait. But sometimes the call never came.
What I noticed was that I was picking guys that were still in love with someone else. I picked guys that were half-way complete within themselves because I thought I could complete them. I picked guys who were emotional unstable. I pick guys who had no direction in life. All because I thought I would be enough. That my smile, my laugh, my heart would be enough to fill them. But there were a couple of times when my wish really did come true. And I really did bring them joy and "cure" their loneliness with my love, but only to have them move on to another girl. See, I gave them back their hope, and when they became strong enough and no longer needed me, they moved on to someone else that they could protect, comfort and love. There are always two sides to every wish.
Then I moved into a phase where I dated needy guys. Guys who always wanted me around. And at first it was great. They were filled with joy and excitement because they got to see me. They wanted to hang out every single day. They enjoyed my company. I felt loved. I felt happy. But, I changed. I realized that it was time for me to grow. To step up and stop hiding behind my insecurities. I remembered, that they cared for me very well. They did everything and anything that I said and back then I would not have traded it for the world. But over time I began to feel more like an adult holding the hand of a child instead of a girlfriend growing and learning with her boyfriend. And then I realized that I never felt safe. Not once.
Above all else, when I'm dating a guy I wanted to be respected, cared for but also I want to feel safe. I want to feel secure in knowing that if something were to ever seriously happen that I could not handle alone he could step in and help me through it.
I wanted to stay in that relationship very much, but at the same time I was glad to let it go because I knew that I had grown beyond it.
After that I took out time for myself. I tried new things. I made new friends. I really studied myself. I needed to figure out my strengths and weaknesses. I can say, that right now I am more aware of who I am as a woman. Of course, everyday you have a chance to learn something new and I'm always open to that.
I never met a good man until I stepped into college. At first when I met them I was very defensive because I was so use to doing everything myself. So much so, that when a young man simply opened the door for me or asked me if I needed any help at all I would curtly say "NO, thank you." But even with me being rude, he still continued to ask. He still continued to say hello. Thats when I knew that he was a "good man." I even watched how he interacted with others. Girls and boys. He was always respectful to everyone. He opened doors for ladies. He even gave up his seat one time, so that one of his girls that were friends could sit down. And I was shocked. He and I never dated. But we were friends. He is in a relationship with a young lady that is just lovely for him. It is quite amazing how lovely they are together. And I am happy for them. At first, I was jealous and bitter but I realized that being that way only hurts me more and drives other people away. Thats not the kind of heart I was given. I have a heart that loves.
Anyway, those of you who have fathers in your life, who take care of you and love you make sure you say thank you. And happy father's day.
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