I didn't think that I would like this movie because the main character is focused around a male. I know, pretty sexist right? But wait. I normally find that movies that I have seen where a man likes a woman. She rejects him then he goes out with his guy friends to a club or party and meets various other women, break their hearts, hurt their feelings just to make and have sex with just to make himself feel better for being rejected.
Its one of the cliche patterns in most dating movies.
But this movie surprised me. I found myself siding with the guy throughout the whole movie.
These are a few thoughts: "You can kiss me, hold me and all that jazz but you can't make me your girlfriend?"Why not? or "I thought you said you weren't looking for a "relationship" then how did you mysteriously get a girlfriend the next day? I never had the courage to ask the why not part. But this movie is a really good example of the first quote. Just from a mans' perspective.
Its not that they don't want a relationship or to be serious AT ALL. They just don't want to be in a relationship or serious with you. But of course, they would never tell you that. Because they don't want to hurt your feelings or if they don't really care then it could be because they know that if they tell you the truth they won't be able to use you anymore.They only keep you around because of every other reason except because they love and care about you and actually want to be with you.
In the movie he and summer (that's the girl that he fell in love with) pretty much were attached at the hip from the first day that they met. They went to the mall. They went to the movies. They did everything together. And although she told him that she didn't want anything serious. She was giving him mixed signals. She verbally said that she didn't want anything serious. But her actions were showing otherwise.
I thought it was messed up that she hugged him and kissed him and acted as if she really liked him. But then later she invited him to a party and that's when he found out the real reason why she had wanted to be "causal" in the first place. Her heart belonged to someone else.
She gave her time. She gave him attention. She gave him kisses. She gave everything except her heart.
I think she should have been upfront and told the truth. So, that he would have the chance to decide if he wanted to be apart of something casual even with knowing all the factors. It also boils down to how things are defined. In his mind he thought being "casual" meant that they would take" things" (the serious relationship part) "slow." But in her mind being "casual" meant that she would have "fun" with him until the one that her heart wanted got around to making things official.
I know that story too, but from the other side. You meet a guy that you really fancy. He acts like your boyfriend. He holds your hand. He calls you every single day. He writes you poems. He even goes so far as to introduce you to his family. And then when his ex calls him up he runs back to where the pain started in the first place. And you are left to wonder, "what you did?" or "what you didn't do?" When it wasn't your fault to begin with.
Before watching this movie I thought "well not every couple needs to have a title, because titles add pressure to a relationship blah blah blh" but then I thought "why not?" Its not like having the title will change the way you two look at one another. If you both really like one another as much as you say you do or as much as your actions show that you do then what's the big deal about calling one another boyfriend and girlfriend?
Titles are solid . But they change when the intentions of each party change.
But people never want to be honest about that part. They don't want to come out and say "well, the reason why I can't make you my girlfriend is because I'm waiting for my ex to come back or I found out that the child my ex is taking care of is actually mine or I'm in love with someone else" or whatever.
No. They just keep you waiting around. They keep feeding you that "lets be an adult" bullshit by saying things like "we will talk about it." Then they disappear or never "get around" to talking about it. That's because they had something to hide the whole time, but were too much of a coward to just come out and say the truth because they didn't want to feel guilty for leading you on.
From the movie I learned a few things:
1. don't be afraid to ask what you want (Its your heart on the line too (if you are in love) so you need to make sure that you two are on the same page. And the only way to do that is by talking about it.
2. If you lose sleep because you are uncertain about what you two are, then its not that serious.
3. Sometimes people tell us the truth, but we choose not to hear it (She did say that she wanted something casual but he just interpreted it in a different way. To avoid all confusion she should have just been honest from the start though.)
4. When you want to "hang out" with another person. You have to take into account that they also have feelings. They are not like pets, where you can just lock them in a room and only interact with them when you feel like being social.
5. Say what you mean and mean what you say.
6. Don't give mixed signals.
7. Always be honest about how you feel
(She did like him. But she probably sensed that if she told him the truth that he probably wouldn't want to "hang out" anymore.)
8. Just because they are consistent doesn't mean they love you
9. Know what you want before you even think about adding another person into your life.
But something I really liked was when he went on the blind date, he was honest with his date about him not wanting to be serious with her. He could have just said "you are nice a girl, but I don't think this is going to work out." And then went home. But instead he took it a step further and wanted to explain.
When you meet people, you have to be realistic. Especially when you date online (this is getting away from the topic at hand but I just have to write these thoughts out). So many people are choosing to find their "match" online. But what is that persons background story? How do you know that they are not serial killer? How do you know that they don't have 4 or 5 wives locked up in a basement somewhere?
I met a guy once (just friends didn't want to date him because I was crushing on someone at the time) who swore up and down that he was single and that he lived on his own. But then my friend started "dating" him. They talked for awhile back and forth. The whole time he kept her head boosted with bullshit about his fake life. Then he finally got on a train to meet her. And well, she found out that his whole profile, his whole "online life" was a lie. He had a wife and a child that he abandoned. And how do I know, because the wife contacted me thinking that I was my friend.
People want to trust other people. We want to let people into our "world" but there is always that uncertainty that they could hurt you, if you let them get too close. Like in the movie. She let him get close her. She said all the right words. She did all the right things. But her heart wasn't passionate about him. She just didn't love him "like that."
To sum it up:
She used him to fill a void. He was her "placeholder" guy. Until the guy that she really wanted to be with was available. And it sucks to be that person. Especially when you are in love. Because for the life of you, you can't figure out why nothing you say or do makes them smile. Makes them happy. Why everything you do is just annoying and bothersome. But once you stop being in love. You realize that they were just using you to distract themselves until something better came along or came back.
That's why I push so much for honesty, because I don't have to time to be any mans "placeholder" or "almost something" I know what I want. And I know that I have a big heart. So If he doesn't want to make me number one. Then I won't exist at all in his life. The end.
In general the movie was good. And I think that everyone should watch it. It depicts a realistic view of the dating world. Of course each persons' story will be different. But what makes at the end of the day. Its life. All crazy, twisting and backward for some and a straight, calm, path for others.
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