Stronger Than The Previous

Why should I have to stop liking what I like and doing what I enjoy just because someone else doesn't understand why I like what I like or enjoy what I'm doing?

I don't have to.

I don't have to be anyones' "perfect model."

I don't have to anyones' "perfect" someone.

Because behind being "perfect" comes all these expectations that I know I just can't keep up with.

I'm sorry that you are not comfortable in your own skin. I am sorry that you made bad choices in your life. I'm sorry that my smile reminds you of a time when you use to be happy about living. When you had a passion to live. Instead carrying a frown to your grave. But that's not my fault. Only you can change how you feel.

I have flaws, but when most people see me they sweep them under the rug. How much joy can you bring me? Or us? How much affection? Dedication? Can we get from you before you are sucked dry? And I never ask for anything in return.

Except a phone call, to say hello.

There are old wounds from a previous life. But I no longer wear my pain and hurt on my sleeve anymore. I'm not trying to hide it. I know its there. And so, do the people that I include in my support team. But instead of them just sweeping my hurt and pain under the rug. Instead of them just saying "it will be ok" when they are not certain that it will. I have people in my life who will no longer lie to my face.

I don't want anyones' fairytale bullshit about "it will be ok" and "I'm so sorry that happen to you." It will not be ok...

Unless I do something about it.

And your sorry isn't going to help me get off my ass and fix the problem.

Maybe, I haven't learned anything this summer. Maybe I have not matured as much as I would have liked to. But I'm learning that I don't have to move at anyones' speed, pace or rate but my own. I can sing all day and all night. I can dance until the sun comes up, if thats what makes me happy.

When older people (not much older mind you) throw in my face "you are so immature" and or "you act like a child" or "why are you being so childish?"

NO. why are you judging my life? You have no right to judge anything that I say and do. You don't feed me, you don't put clothes on my back, you never lifted a finger to help me get anything accomplished in life. All you gave me were words. And although I have always been grateful. Why should I curtsy, to your kindess? When yours' was given out of obligation and mine out of free will?

No. I look in the mirror and see a different woman now. I don't know the future. But my life is really just about to begin once I graduate. And yes, I'm excited. But I'm also cautious, scared. I'm filled with emotion. Uncertainty. And that's ok. I can feel those emotions because I'm human. And being someones' "perfect" someone is no longer an option that I want.

I just want to live.

Be realistic when it comes to goals.

And GLOW in passion when it comes to dreams.

I love who I am. And anyone who "cares" about me, yet asks me to change really doesn't care at all. Because if they did. They wouldn't be asking me to change in the first place. My heart. My devotion. My friendship. Would be enough.

My friend was right. I am love. And I have a lot of it to share. And I don't think that its immature, or childish nor a crime because I can love and other people can not.