I think that in all my time on this earth, examining love and relationships and or studying "The Human Connection" the one thing that I have learned about the male population is that, if they want you in their lives, there will be nothing that they will not do just to put you and keep you there.
I know that a lot of times we, as ladies, ask ourselves when we are dating...
"Well, how do I know if he likes me or not?"
And it really is simple: He will tell you (but only if he is a "Man")
The difference between a Man and a boy or a man-child is:
When you ask a man if he wants you in his life, he will give you an answer. A yes or a no. He will respond with an explanation that makes sense to him first and then to you. Whether or not he is in love with you or not, at the time.
When you ask a man-child if he wants you to be in his life, if he does not feel the instant "spark" (the whole instant puppy love feeling) then he will give you every answer in the world except the one that holds the most value: the real one. The Truth.
You know that a man is interested in getting to know you when he asks you questions about your interests. The things you like to do. The movies you like to watch. If you find yourself doing either 1. All the talking and him not responding or 2. Doing all the listening; more than likely he will not stick around for long. This will be the individual that makes promises, but doesn't keep them. Tells you he cares about you when he hasn't even taken out time to figure out if he even likes you or not. This will be the man that jumps to conclusions before knowing all the details. A man-child. In his purest form. And sometimes, they fool you. They have the walk. They have the talk. But they don't have the courage.
So how do you know when you are dealing with a man-child? Simple.
Ask him to talk to you about anything that could remind a man of the word "commitment" and listen to his response and or watch his reaction. If he can not talk about the topic without getting fantical. He is a man-child. Don't waste your time. If you are into men, then that's exactly what you want a man. You don't want to be with a man that you have to bite your tongue for and or tip toe around because you are afraid that if you discuss a certain topic he will not want to see you anymore.
And I say that because I had an experience once where I simply asked the guy that I was seeing at the time if he and I were "boyfriend and girlfriend." Maybe the terms that I used were not the right ones. But I wanted to make sure that he understood how "serious" I wanted he and to be. I expected him to say a yes or no. But instead he gave me every answer in the entire world except the one answer that I was looking for: The yes or the no. He told me "we weren't together long enough yet" Turned my question into a joke. Everything to avoid getting me a real answer. And at the time I accepted it, because I was too afraid to challenge him because I didn't want him to stop seeing me. But it didn't matter because in the end it would turn out that he would "get too busy" or go back to his wife and children or just not want to make the effort to see me anymore. So it didn't matter. He disappeared anyway.
Thats just one main example. That's another reason why I don't bite my tongue for anyone. I say what I want. When I want. I have control over what I say. I don't have control over whether the guy I'm seeing or whatever will stay in my life.
I knew right then that 1. He didn't want to be serious with me and 2. He wouldn't stay in my life for very much longer. 3. He was a man-child.
It was painful. Because I don't share my life with just anyone. It took time. It took strength for me to "give him a fair chance." And then I did. And look what happen. Yes, he got me good with all his stories of travel and adventure. He got me good with his typical selection of beer and his "sophicated" view of how "traditionality." But when you strip away the fancy words. The adventures. The money. Who was he? A boy trying to fill a mans' shoes. He always said that I was immature. He thought that I was like a "kid sister." And at the time I didn't understand. But the truth is: Everything he was accusing me of being. He really wanted to be. He wanted to have a passion for life. He wanted to be happy about life. But he would never admit that to himself and/or to anyone else for that matter. And that's what made him a coward.
You want to be with a man that can stand through the difficult times with you. And if you scare him away that quickly by just asking him a question like "what do you think about the concept of marriage?" Or whatever. Then you know that he isn't the one. A man who is confident in himself will not run from any topic of conversation. Even if he feels uncomfortable he will express his discomfort, as a man should.
Communication is very important as many people say, but no one ever seems to take those words as seriously as they should. If, you do all the texting and calling and he never calls you back and or cuts the conversations short (And this is consistent). He is just a coward. A man-child. Too afraid to be honest with himself about what he wants and about how he really feels about you.
A man-child normally has something to hide. That's why you never meet his parents. Thats why he won't take you back to his apartment. That's why he only calls you at certain times. That's why he just texts you, instead of calls you. Period. That's why he always makes plans way in advance, but never really puts much thought into the plans afterwards.
As women we, sometimes, get emotionally attached too quickly. And that's why we find ourselves in a lot of pain three months later. Any man that doesn't make an effort to be involved in your life. Doesn't ask about your day. Doesn't keep his promises.
But most importantly any man that:
Can not look you in the eyes and tell you the truth about how he feels about you, the event, the situation etc.
Is a man-child. A Coward. And doesn't deserve to be in any part of your life.
And once you can determine the real men, from the man-children. You will be much better off. And one step closer to happy ;)
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