I hope that everyone got to party as much as they could and I hope that everyone got to spend time with the people that they love and care about the most!
This weekend I didn't really have time to reflect but I do know one thing. I have to stay focused.
Here is what I learned:
1. I'm not as open minded as I thought I was
2. I really do want to love and be loved
3. The real world waits for no one.
One: House Party
On Dec 31 2011 I attend a house party where I met a couple who had an open marriage. I honestly thought the guy was just teasing me, but when he showed me his wedding ring and when I asked his wife my mind was blown away!
I always thought I was pretty opened minded about stuff, but that night I realized that I wasn't. I noticed that when they explained how their open marriage works for them, my attitude toward them changed slightly. From what I understand, they have an open marriage where they can date, sleep with, have sex with other people as long as they both agree to the person. When they told me how long they have known one another, been in one another's lives etc I was blown about by the 15 years.
On one hand I was jealous that they were so secure within themselves and had so much trust between them that they could pursue such a thing. On the second hand I was disgusted. In my eyes I think that is selfish. To be with one person, but still crave sex or intimacy from another. One thought is, if you aren't happy with what you have then why not just break up with that persona and go be with someone that has all the qualities that you really want in a mate? Then I thought, another way to look at it is that, maybe they really aren't that secure within themselves after all. Maybe they like to sleep with other people because someone it validates their existence. Makes them feel alive. I don't need to have sex with another person or multiple people to make me feel alive.
I honestly, agree with loving as many people as you can. You only get one life. But, I believe that you should only love one person romantically at a time. Sure, you might be attracted to several people but to try to have romantic feelings with all of them or try to establish some type of close relationship with them all, would take a lot of effort, hard work and energy and quite frankly I can barely make enough time to keep the relationships I have afloat. Why add more weight to the board?
But to each his/her own, I guess...
Two: Relationship Of Your Dreams
I am currently in the best relationship I have ever been in. He treats me with respect. He appreciates my life. And most importantly he loves me as I am, for who I am. What I'm learning is that when shit gets hard, you can't just throw your hands up and say "I give up." In the past when a guy didn't do what I said or broke a promise or did anything that I disapproved of, I would cut him loose. I would tell him to get lost. And I would make sure that I burned our bridge so that there would be no way for him to come back. I did it in such a way that he wouldn't want to come back. And I was happy with that.But this weekend I realized that no matter how many times I think about walking away because I'm afraid to try, I find myself standing right there with him...still. No matter how many times I get upset, I still find he and I standing together at the end of the day. I don't know if that is what LOVE is exactly, but I feel that it must be the closest thing I have ever been to it.
If, I get fussy, he sits patiently as I vent out my frustrations. Then we go back to laughing and having a good time. When I get sad, he holds my hand or pulls me into his embrace and tells me that he will be okay. Love is what I want. And the best part is that he doesn't get upset or shy away when I want to give love back. I don't have to dance around the word anymore. I can finally talk about love and express my love and he doesn't get nervous or runaway or make up an excuse not to talk about it.
So, I'm thankful. Very thankful.
Three: Vicious World
I finally have a job and although it is not working with children I am very thankful to have it. It is true that the first job is always the hardest to find. But once you find that job, it just seems that many opportunities just open up afterward. I'm learning that people are all about their MONEY. They don't care how they get it, they just want their money. I'm finding out that someone people just live for money and have no concern for human well-being. I think, this is why my job is bothering me. I actually care about people. How they feel? What they like? etc
Customer Service is not as easy as it looks, that's why I wonder why people in this field are not getting paid more. Not only do you have to sell the product, but you also have to help the customer. What comes with dealing with customers are customer attitudes. Which sometimes are not the nicest.
My First Day
My first day went well. I woke up at my friends house from the night before (great party! The DJ played great music! Music that I could actually dance too!). Then my boyfriend took me to lunch. We had a great time there! Then he had to go to work. While he was at work I went back to hang out with my "family." Later, after my boyfriend got off work we hung out.
It was a very curvy, roller coaster kind of day, but at the end of it I had the best time and the best weekend. But, now it is time to get back to focus. My goal: To get a place.
Happy new year!
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