Greater Than Your Circumstance

"You are greater than your circumstance."

This is a quote from a woman who I consider to be my mentor and friend. 

Her words have stuck with me ever since the first day I met her. 

People tell me that I should forget about my past. The absence of my bestfriend should no longer haunt me, but I reflect on this:

My mother passed away from a brain disease. Although, my mother's physical body is no longer able to be seen, I know that her spirit still lives. In knowing this I know that I must honor her spirit by being a lady of caliber and by not giving in to mediocrity aka: being obedient to Gods word and plan for my life.


I grew up without a mother and a father. The man that I thought would protect me and keep me safe during my childhood decided that I was not his "issue" anymore. After my mother's funeral my "dad" left me sitting on the front steps of my grandmother's house, with a bag full of promises but no dedication to keep those promises to speak of. 

I waited. 

I believed that when promises were made that they were meant to be kept. But, he never came back for me as he said he would. 

No letters. 

No phone calls. 

So, what options does a child have when they have no parents? 

Some would ask: "why not ask an aunt or uncle to take care of the child?"

In the eyes of the person who has yet to experience such a loss that would make sense and it would work.

But from the child's perspective it is much different. 

The aunts and uncles all have their own children to take care of. The times that were spent with either aunt or uncle were times of great reflection, pain and wishing to be "someone else." When you don't have parents you are always wishing to "fit in" somewhere. To have somewhere to go. I spent most of my time growing up looking for a place to call "home." Yet, even when I had a second of stability I knew that it would not last for very long.

The hardest times were the ones where I wanted someone to talk to, but there was no one around who could understand the anger, confusion and pain that I felt during those times. They thought that I was just being disobedient, ungrateful, selfish and mean but I was hurting. The more negative words they threw at me the more trapped I felt in my own pain. 

The other thing I learned is that "family" isn't as much about "being related by blood" as people would like to associate such with. In reflection, I remember that sometimes during holidays when my aunts would invite friends over, they would introduce their children first and then I would get introduced last or sometimes not at all.

People did not know where I "came" from. I was always that silent conversation that no one ever wanted to speak about, because they were afraid that I would hear it and that the "perfect party" would turn awkward with me at the center of the conversation.  

Yet, I wanted so much to be apart of a real family. 

My eldest aunt had the most children. The times I hung out at her house were the best, because all her children were loving and kind. They made me feel like I was apart of something greater than myself. But there were those days (and they were frequent) when my aunt would just call her children to her room to have a "family" discussion and I was left to sit out. 

During the summer I would always want to go to her house because that is where the most love was, but I knew that I was not the favorite among my family. I made sure to have the willing and ready spirit to clean, be obedient and to get up and go to church whenever she asked me too. All so that I could stay where there was love, where I felt safe. When the summer was over, it always took me a bit longer to adjust. 

What do you tell children who don't have parents? 

No one knows. Most people just stare at them and then keep walking, saying to themselves "they aren't my problem." 

My aunts and uncles did the best they could for that time, I suppose. They were always trying to tell me how I felt though and that I was "paranoid" whenever I tried to explain to them how I felt. They had trouble listening to me speak about my pain because they could not relate.

Children without parents need someone to listen to them. They need someone to care about what they drew at school and how they feel about their favorite stuffed animal etc. 

Parents are suppose to love, care and guide their children so that they grow up feeling safe and loved. But when they are absent what can be done? 

The foundation in a child's life is very important. They need to have love and support all the way through in order to have a fighting chance of being better than okay in this world.

Thankfully, my grandmother became my new bestfriend. She took care of me when everyone else was "too busy" or thought that I was "another mouth to feed" and "another body to put clothes on..." She was always there to support me and encourage me to do my best. 

Now, in my later years I have it in my mind to give back to her. That is why I'm working so hard on getting my modeling and singing career off the ground, so that I can give her the best rest of her years that I can. To pay her back for all that she has done for me. I know that she doesn't think that I should pay her back, but it is something that I feel I must do... because when no one else wanted to take the time to understand me, she did. When everyone else thought that I was a "burden" she did not see me that way. No matter how unruly I was due to my pain she continued to be there for me just the same. 

I know there will come a time when I will have to watch her leave this earth too. So everyday I make sure to prepare my heart, mind, and spirit for when that time comes. 

So I ask, that you take time out to learn about another persons life. 

Ask how your neighbors day is going or even what you can do to help them if you see them going through a rough time. 

Every little bit of kindness counts and for children without parents it makes all the difference between a permanent frown and a everlasting smile.