Trust in the Lord and do good; so you will live in the land, and enjoy security. Take delight in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act. Be still before the Lord, and wait patiently for him.
(Psalm 37:3-5, 7a)
People always said that I should model. When I was younger I tried to start, but it just wasn't the right time. I didn't have the right confidence. I was too wrapped up in academic "perfection." Then I discovered my voice and realized that singing was a big part of my life. So, I focused on that instead.
Now, God has me not only modeling but singing as well. I sing all the time day or night. I have notebooks filled with songs that I have written, as well as notebooks upon notebooks of poetry, short stories, novels and sequels to those novels. Writing is never an issue for me.
December 15th 2012: The hair/fashion show turned out very well. I have to admit that I had my doubts because there were so many changes. But when God is at the forefront and center of any situation it will always work out the way that it needs to. I'm glad that I did not choose to opt out or I would have missed out on being around some really amazing people.
If I have to I can turn my diva on very quickly and put someone in their place... but I didn't need to do that. There was respect among us and appreciation for the show. I think we all really just wanted to do our best for the nice lady who provided the hair for us to show off. She really wanted the show to go well. And we really wanted to make her happy by doing our best.
I could tell that some girls were nervous. Some had never been out in the public eye like that before. But of course for me I was born to be in the spotlight. I'm just waiting for the Lord to send more of the right people, at the right time, and with the right spirit so that I will be guaranteed long term success because God will be at the forefront and center of my career.
I had a great time with everyone and I hope to work with the models, hairstylists, photographers etc again. The crowd was kind of shy. They were suppose to walk around and touch the hair. But mostly they just talked about the outfits and made jokes here and there. I don't think any of it was to be hateful though. It was all in love and fun.
As for me, I didn't care about what anyone thought. I could wear a trash bag and still look good because its all about how you carry yourself in the outfit that makes a big difference. But on the other hand some people are just jealous and hateful. So anything that doesn't fit with what they like, they will make fun of. I don't pay attention to those people anyway... It is a waste of my time.
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Also, earlier that day I had a VIP audition for AGT. I wasn't even nervous or anything. I was ready. I saw cheerleading teams, singers, bands, one guy dressed up completely like Elvis Presley. It was all in fun! There was one girl singing her heart out though. I could tell that she had been told all her life that she was the best singer blah blah. I thought about publicly challenging her in some kind of "sing off"
but I decided that, that was not appropriate.
When people look at me I represent what a woman of God is suppose to look like, act like, be like. I'm classy. I use to show off all the time because I just wanted someone to see me. But now I don't need to because people notice me every where I go. Sometimes people that I have only seen passing on the street see me somewhere and then are like "OH! hey!" (as if we were bestfriends all our lives or something). They start conversations with me that lasts for hours, and sometimes it carries on into the week....
A lot of people participate in big production reality start up shows like that because they want the fame and the fortune. I mean parents put so much pressure on their children to be the "perfect star." I even saw some children get their dreams crushed because their parents were upset that they didn't make it far.
Its disgusting that a parent would literally say "if you don't win, then you aren't special or loved." They are suppose to love their children no matter what. But I guess, that fame and money is what they really love and since they can't do it for whatever reason, they are going to make sure that their child does it, so they can live through them.
That's sad... very sad.
My audition went smooth. I knew that it would. It was nice to have so much friendliness in the air (at least that's how it was where I was). It was strange though because wherever I walked people moved to the side and or they stopped in the middle of their conversations to stare at me.
There was one young man who gave me the biggest smile as if he knew me from somewhere. I may have run into him in my old life and not have known. But I couldn't figure it out. He was so in awe of me that it almost made me nervous. It was as if he just discovered a rare diamond or something! I wanted to stop and talk to him but I also was very eager to move through the process, so that I could get my chance to sing.
When I did sing. I sang out.
BOLD.
LOUD
BEAUTIFUL
I plan on being the Next Whitney Houston. Except without the drugs. Because I have a voice to stop an army and no one can take that away from me.
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I didn't do much for my birthday. I went to church. I hung out with my god family, ate with them, watched some TV and then I went home to take a nap. The entire weekend was really my birthday. I was busy from Friday morning to Sunday afternoon. So God knew that I needed rest. I did reflect from this years birthday to last years.
I realized that a lot changed since last year. Just about everyone that I was friends with last year left my life or just stopped talking to me when I made the choice to be fully committed to my walk with Christ. That's how I know who my real friends are. There were many people that told me happy birthday, so I was still very thankful.
A lot of people think that I'm over what happen between my bestfriend and I but I'm not. But I have chosen to put my entire faith in God and believe with all my heart that the Lord will make it right. So I'm not worried. And my heart doesn't cry as much as it use to.
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