I knew that I would like this book because its main focus was on an interracial couple. I have a passion for interracial couples/diversity so I just had to read it.
Basically it is a real life story about an interracial couple who wanted to be together during the time of the civil rights movement. And how they had to go through all these struggles just to be together as a couple that loved one another.
I normally finish a book in a day. But I will admit that it took me almost two months to finish this book. Not because it wasn't good but because I wasn't focused.
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Right after I read the book I started thinking about my experience with relationships.
I never had to go through a time when I couldn't date a guy because he was a different skin color than I was. I am very thankful for the progress that we, as humans, have made. Although, there are still some issues here and there. Which is fine. Because no human is perfect. And if we were then we wouldn't have anything to work toward. I'm just glad that the civil rights movement was a success.
Look how far we have come, from having seperate schools, water fountains etc to being able to share everything. The only trouble that I have gotten about dating white guys are from my black friends, really. They think that it is strange. But that is only because they haven't been around me during the whole time that I have been testing out the "dating" world. I'm sure if they were there at the beginning they wouldn't find it such a big deal.
I have here and there, when asked of my white friends if they were allowed to date outside there race had them tell me that their parents would not approve but they wouldn't say anything. This didn't surprise me much. Because like I said. We have come a long way but we are not perfect.
But then I had to think a little bit further...
It really had nothing to do with the fact that they were white. It had everything to do with their background and lifestyle. I remember in the past, when I first started dating that when a white guy broke up with me or started acting funny or whatever. I always played the "race" card. I will admit that there were a couple of times when the race card was an issue. But that was only when I had a chance to meet "the parents." I only met the "parents" once. And I think that they were shocked. But because I was "pretty" it didn't really matter that I was a few shades darker than their son.
But I could tell that the situation would have been much different if I were white. Maybe, some would roll their eyes and say that I'm paranoid but its just a feeling that I have. And the majority of the time when I "feel" some type of way about a situation, I'm right.
I never really got much trouble from white men. I did get a lot of odd stares from white women and black men. The white women just whisper to one another. Sometimes they stared or rolled their eyes. One time a woman just had to express her disgusted while my date and I were walking in the mall. She didn't think that I heard her. But I guess she thought that because I was so much taller than her, that my ears wouldn't be able to pick up on her little sound. But I heard it all.
There was on incident when there was a black man who thought that the guy that I was dating at the time was physically abusing me. I could see how he would get that impression though because my face was bruised. But he had nothing to do with it. It was my own impatience. I thought was face was dirty. So I scrubbed too hard. This older gentleman just didn't believe me. He was ready. Fists balled and everything to fight my bf at the time. Of course I made sure that things didn't get out of hand. Because I was the responsible, reasonable one back then. The one with the "backbone."
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In the book the couple had to go through a lot of struggles that I don't think I would have had the strength to put up with. Such as, the female main character getting pregnant for the second time and having her husband take their last dollars, walk out on her and end up screwing a white woman that he ended up getting pregnant too. And she (the female main character) stood by her "husbands'" side. Through the whole thing. Even took in the other womans child as her own because the other woman (the white woman) gave up full custody beacuse she didn't want anything to do with a man that was associated with a black person.
That is real love right there.
The whole time I was reading this portion of the book. I wanted to jump through the pages and punch her selfish husband in the face. How could he leave his pregnant wife and little girl with no money in a shitty, one bedroom apartment where they had to share a bathroom with other families? How could he just go and start a new life without thinking of how his family would feel? I understand that he had good intentions. He wanted to get back into the corporate world and make his way back up the ladder. So that he could better provide for his family.
But the only reason why he lost everything, his good paying job was because someone in the corporate world found out that he was married to a black woman and they didn't like that. So, they made sure to make his life a living hell just for being married to the woman that he loved.
I tried really hard to understand the logic of the male main character, since the book was written in journal entry style. But all I could think about was what I would do if I were in that situation.
To be honest, I don't think I would have the strength that she had to stay patient and take him back for the seventh time after he messed up.
I would just say fuck it and move on with my life.
But then I started to think:
Real Love doesn't just walk away when times get hard. Life is hard sometimes. And if every time something bad happen and me or the man I was with were always fighting to see who could get out of the door first, because we are afraid to stand and fight then that would mean we never really loved one another in the first place.
I don't want to be with a man that always runs when things get hard. What is the point in being with a man like that? If I wanted to stand and fight in the world alone then I wouldn't have made any effort to be with him in the first place and vice versa.
Of course times are much different now. Although I think last year there was a judge who wouldn't marry an interracial couple just because he didn't believe in mixing races or something like that. But that was the closest thing that I have seen to anything that was similar to what I read in the book.
Anyway, I think love is beautiful all the way around. No matter who you are with. As long as you love that person unconditionally and they love you then why does it matter what skin color they are? At least you know that you have someone in your corner. I have never experienced real love from a man before. I don't really consider my freshman year in college as "real love." I guess, you could say that it was "puppy love" jacked up on steroids or something. But that's about it. Because after about a month of me being absent. He had already moved on to someone else.
Most of the relationships that I have experienced didn't have any traces of love in them that I could see. Because the pattern was always the same it seemed. We would meet. Hang out. They would make all these promises to care about me and stay in my life. Then by the end of the month they were off to commitment or marry the woman they met after they broke up with me or whatever.
Real love stays through the battles. And there were times in the past when I really needed a shoulder to lean on. Really needed a friend. Really needed a hug or a simple "good morning beautiful" text message or a nice letter of encouragement. And they (the guy that I was dating at the time) were nowhere to be found. Just poof! Gone! Vanished! Disappeared!
I also, found myself chasing a lot in the past. And hoping and begging for change when the signs were clear. They stopped calling. They stopped caring.
But real love cares during any and all of the emotions that we, as human transition through. But not for them. They just up and left my ass like it wasn't anything. Some said goodbye quietly. Others had to make a dramatic exit.
But not one of them could look me in the eye and just be honest with me about the real reason why they were leaving.
Everytime I asked for the "why?" They would just give me the silent treatment and then disappear. As if I wasn't worthy enough to have an explanation. Some would say, that since we were not that serious or whatever that they don't think I deserved to have an explanation. But its called respect. And out of respect for them I would have given them one if they asked. But that's because I'm secure in myself. I don't have to hide behind the silent treatment game. I don't have anything to hide. Where as they did.
I have a different perspective on love now than I did my freshman year of college. I'm happy to say that I'm more realistic than before. But one thing that I can't stand is the silent treatment. I think any man that plays that game is a coward. Thats why I made sure that in my new life I would not run into that. And if by chance I do. I won't even ask why. I will just cut them out and move on. Because I am a woman on a mission toward Greatness. And I don't have time to baby a mans ego because he is too afraid to face the truth that he carries with him about himself and or about me.
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