The Maturity "Party"

I will admit that I don't know much about maturity. But then again what person really does until they step into it, learn the lesson(s) they are suppose to learn and then reflect?

A small part of me almost feels like people are expecting me to be more mature than I really feel. It is true that I have an "old soul" but its not because I have much life experience. It is because of the unfortunate experience that I had early in my childhood.

I suppose that a lot of people still hold that idea in their head, "girls are more mature than boys" right? But not always. And sometimes that maturity changes when you get around different people.

I don't know why I can't just be me. I don't know why everyone wants to label me as this or that. They want to mold me into a well known model or an actress or into their own fantasy "superwoman." And sometimes I just laugh. Ha Ha. Getting to know someone be it friend or more doesn't mean that you write your expectations on them, so that they can fit the fantasy in your mind.

This is the problem that I'm finding out about a few of my so called "friends." They really don't KNOW me. They only KNOW what they created in their mind of what they want me to be as. We want you to be a "model." Why? "Because you're pretty." Not because you think that I have a good runway walk, because you have never seen me walk.

Then there is the other issue:
This whole concept of beeing passionate.
Some people don't understand what I mean by passionate. Some people think that I'm "acting" or being theatrical. In other words being "fake." So, I'm fake because I would rather look on the positive side to life?
I'm fake? Because I would rather sing when I'm having a bad day instead of cry?
I'm fake? Because when I get around you I'm actually happy, instead of miserable and sad?
No. I'm not fake. I'm just trying to be more positive about life. I have to live in this world until I die. Why would I want to be miserable and complaining?

I spent a lot of my time through college being that miserable person. The person that no one wanted to hang around because everything I said was "negative." The person that no one wanted to invite out because all I ever talked about was about how fucked up guys were and how they mistreated me. I never had anything nice to say about people in general. Maybe, it was a little insane but some part of me was always thinking that some people were always out to hurt me no matter what I did or said, no matter how nice I was. But the truth is. No one really gave a shit about my life. No one cared.

I know how to be realistic when the time calls for me to be. But there is a difference between it all.