I started out being a hopeless romantic. I threw my mind, my heart and my soul into another persons' life without thinking about who they were and how they would either help or hinder me from accomplishing the goals that I set up for myself.
I told myself that I wanted honesty, yet when reality came knocking I stood, like a child wide eyed with amazement that "THAT" that "THIS HORRIBLENESS" could happen to me. Anyone can tell you, that I am no saint. But, when I am not in my own mind. I tend to think of others first. That is the core of who I am.
But in my many observations on life and love I concluded that there are three main "relationship" types.
A Passionate relationship
A Romantic relationship
A Realistic relationship
All three can intertwine with the others. They all have equal value. They all function with the purpose of caring for another persons' life and really appreciating them for who they are. But each type just has a different time frame.
I have experienced all three and the one that I most want to be involved in is, the last one. The realistic relationship. That is where I believe the most truth is. And that is where I believe that a solid foundation can be established and overtime grow into a: confident, secure relationship.
But in order to know this, I had to figure out 1. Who I was at the core and 2. What I wanted. So that I could meet a man that could appreciate me, for me and not what he expected me to be (to the rest of the world).
Lets break this down:
In a passionate relationship, everything you see, taste, touch, hear and smell is exciting when you are with your partner. The only thing you want to do is pour your heart and soul into pleasing them. You want to spend all of your time with them, almost to the point of being irrational. For example, you might use your last "sick" day at work even though you are not REALLY sick, just because you and your partner want to go to a concert that day or something of the like.
You might put off paying a bill because, you want to buy your partner a gift. If there could be another name for this stage it would be the, "stupid in love" stage. Now, don't get me wrong being in love can be great, but only when it is balanced with reality.
This relationship doesn't last long at all. When reality sets in and you wake up the morning with a fever and you want to call in, you have to remember oops you can't! Why? Because you used your last sick day to go play in the sandbox with your partner when you should have been at work.
This type of relationship clearly has no substance, because once reality starts to set in and things start to get tough then each person wants to run to "safety." This safety could be to another persons arms, to another state etc. But they don't run to one another for support, because the person that they were seeing when the "magic" was full and bright was not who their partner really was. They don't have any clue if their partner is capable of handling stressful situations in a mature manner. They don't know much about their partner, that's because all they were seeing was the magic.
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In a romantic relationship. Things are good. You feel "in love" but its not out of control and your partner seems to do no wrong. But what happens when they get annoyed? What happens when they just want their "alone time?" What happens when they don't feel like "being romantic" that day and they don't feel like giving you attention?
Well the "magic" fades and you see them for who they are. A human first. A brother, son, husband etc second. Sometimes we think that if we don't have "romance" then there isn't any point to having a relationship at all. But in my experience, the romantic factor turns on and off. Sometimes, you feel like cuddling on the couch with your partner and watching a movie. Sometimes you just want to lay in bed, alone and read a book. Its not wrong to want time to yourself. But it is wrong to expect the other person to always want to give you attention whenever you want it. In that case, you really don't care much about them as a person. You just want to "use" them so that you can fulfill a yearning that on your own, you can not fill.
This is why romantic relationships do not last long. They are exciting at first, but when one person starts to realize that there is more to life than just kissing, cuddling and making love. That there is more to life than just one person. The other person starts to feel neglected. And then the "relationship" falls a part.
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I like the idea of a realistic relationship, although it does scare me a bit; because this is where there is truth. They do not bite their tongue when it comes to the relationship. Yet, they make sure to say things respectfully, but honestly so there isn't any confusion nor hurt feelings. They see you for who you are. A human first. The magic can be there, but they don't let it control how they feel nor do they let it control what reality is showing them about you. This type of relationship has the potential to last. For how long? No one can say for sure, because each relationship is different.
I will say, that too much REALISM is a bad thing. I think that a relationship should be combination of all three of these types to be honest. But to start out with, I think starting out being realistic is the best idea. It gives each person a chance to figure out their own feelings before they start to say too many "sweet nothings." It allows for the pressure to "FIT" to not exist. Because at the end of the day there are just two people, who like one another and enjoy each others company. You can pretty it up however you like, but that is the truth of the matter.
And when it all breaks down, you have to ask yourself: Are you happy in the relationship that you are in?
Life is precious. Life is long. Why should we waste it being miserable?
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