Last week I did go on a date. It was really nice to finally be treated like a lady. He was very passionate about me. I was just happy to have the opportunity to get to know someone new. I don't really talk to too many people. I have a lot of people that I know, but I don't let a lot of people in my world. I would have to say that I let him into my world a little too soon.
He and I hung out about six days straight.
In the beginning he was very passionate about me. He called. He responded to my text messages. It was really nice to receive so much attention. It was really nice to have to be able to hang out with someone who had the same ambitious attitude. But then yesterday when I wanted to take a picture, I knew that was the turning point in our friendship.
The issue was that he didn't want to continue seeing me because he didn't want to have to chose between his family and myself. If I am understanding correctly, his family is not a big fan of interracial relationships. So instead he opted to let me go.
I never thought that this was going to last anyway, because he lied about his age to begin with. And anyone that knows me knows that I do not tolerate people that lie to me. I can be understanding. And I have a good heart so I always give people the benefit of the doubt. I know that if I made a mistake I would want someone to give me a second chance too. But then again, if he really wanted to be with me in the long run he wouldn't have lied in the first place.
I did try to convince myself that it would be all right for us to be "casual" but I knew deep down inside that, that would not work. I know that I deserve more. I know that I deserve better.
The other thing is that instead of him being 27. He is actually 29. And he claimed that he got laid off from his job. Who knows if that is true or not? If he lied once. He could lie again. He could have a wife and children somewhere. I would never really know.
It wasn't like I wanted us to get married or even that I wanted him to be my boyfriend (I mean we just met last week, damn can we get to know one another first)It was just nice to have someone to talk to, share laughs and make jokes with. It was nice to have a man around who wanted to please me. It was nice to feel "safe. I will say that I am proud of myself, because I didn't change anything about myself to make him stay nor did I bite my tongue for him. I was me, inside and out.
But I was correct in saying, that when feelings start to get involved that's when guys start to act out. I really thought he was a man, but in all honesty he was just another guy looking to hang out and have sex with me, but not be the boyfriend (in other words: not care about my life). And if I have said it a million times. It is that I DO NOT do casual very well.
He was one of those white guys that just wanted to "try out" being with a none white girl. He posed as being cultured. He posed as being understanding. He was very gentlemanly but ultimately he was just like all the other guys. He wanted the easy way out. He wanted good quality but he didn't want to work for it. He didn't want to fight for it.
It is better that we went out separate ways because I foresaw him holding me back from greatness. I have worked very hard to get to where I am today. I have fought a lot of battles and I have cried a lot of tears. This is the side of my life that he could never appreciate. He has always had the safety of his family to protect him. He has always had someone in his corner. He is not strong enough to stand on his own. And I sensed that in the very beginning but I was just so happy to have someone who could half-way understand the intellectual side of me. This school doesn't offer very many young men who think on the level that I do. So it was a nice change.
In the past the guys have always matched me emotionally but not education wise. Or maybe they matched me intellectually but not emotionally. We are on a similar track. It was just that he chose not to try because I was a different skin color, when all I wanted to do was try because I went by his character and how I enjoyed his company.
He was cordial even during the very last conversation. And he was very honest with me. So I give him credit for that. At least I know what it is like to be treated like a lady.
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