Southern Gentlemen

You can take the man out of the country. But you can't take the country out of the man. 

That is what I learned in this most recent lesson. If he likes to go hunting, mud slinging and likes to tie up hogs for fun, then he is definitely country. If he grew up on a farm. He is definitely country.

I don't believe that gentlemen exist anymore, not because this negative experience but because I have observed the pattern in the habits of men since I have been in the dating world. I think that being a "southern gentleman" is just a nice way of saying "I'm really an asshole, but I'm putting my best foot forward until you do something that I don't like."


And it always starts out the same.


The first date is great. The second date is good. The third date is okay. Then the fourth date they start to expect something in return. Your time is no longer enough. And that is when the pressure to have sex starts, if not sooner. They can't just wait because they feel that they will be wasting their time and money if they don't get sex out of the "deal." They don't see it as two people hanging out and getting to know one another. They see it as "what can I get out of this?"


Many women (I was under this impression too) believe that just because a man finds you, and shows interest in you first that, that is always a good thing. But there is a flip side to every story. And this is one of them. 


I really expected this man to be a lot more mature since he was 29. I thought he would be more understanding about my wants and my needs. I thought he would be more considerate of my time. He did everything right as a "southern gentleman" should. But as a MAN, he failed to be honest with himself about the reality of our situation. He failed to listen to my advice and the advice that he was trying so hard to give to me. 

I honestly don't believe that maturity has anything to do with age that much because for him being 29 he was pretty immature. I know a young man that is 24 that would not have put me through as half as much drama as he would have. And this 24 year old has his own place, his own car and a stable job. And he didn't have to lie about anything to get my attention. 


It wasn't until these last exchanges of conversation that I began to notice this. I honestly believe that he really wanted to be friends, but the way things started off ruined everything. He took me on a date with romantic intentions in the air. So I assumed that is what he wanted from me. But I should have known, that he was no different than all the guys I have met since he lied from the start. 


He sent me a text yesterday. It was a nice text. He asked about my day. He asked about how I was doing. And I responded cordially. I didn't feel any animosity toward him in that moment. But when I thought about it I realized, 


"Wait, this is the same guy that told me that he didn't want to see me anymore. This is the same guy that put distance between us because I'm a different skin color than he is. This is the same guy that told me that he wanted to hang out and have sex with me but that he didn't want to make me his gf! Why am I being nice to him?"


I guess, I was being nice to him because I still had hope that maybe we could still have a nice friendship. For me, I was just happy to be able to have someone in my life that could half-way understand the current situation I'm in now. It was nice to share my day with someone. It was nice to have someone to spend time with. But he felt pressured by me wanting him to give me the "title" and I knew that all he wanted to do was use me for sex.


So we didn't match. He was selfish, just like all the other guys I met. He had no want to care about my life, as he claimed he did in the very beginning. It is sad that things never got off the ground between us. But, I know what I want in this life and I'm not going to settle for less than what I deserve, hoping that it will one day magically change into something that I have always wanted. 

A connection.