The actions that led to this "breakdown" were that I chose to attend an interview that I did not have much passion going to in the first place. I knew that it would ultimately be one of those "build you up as a manager" schemes and then "have you open up your own shop." Something similar to the pyramid scheme but people don't talk about that much anymore.
I had a small bit of hope that this interview would at least excite me enough so that I would honestly want to perform better in my interview. I need to get a career started. My grandmother won't be around forever, so I have to stop dilly dallying around and figure out what I'm going to do with my life so that when it is her time to go to Heaven I will have my foundation built and be set to take on the world...alone.
Anyway, after the interview (It was a beautiful day outside, thank GOD for that!) I decided I wanted to go to the bank to take out money for the ticket that I had gotten over the weekend.
Side Note: I really hate parking downtown. If you are even two seconds behind your meter time or even an inch parked forward in the No parking zone, they will give you a ticket. And they won't give two fucks about it. I know, they are just doing their job. But FUCK it was the weekend. Don't you want to go home early and beat off or something?
Anyway... I got to the bank and everything was fine, but then I noticed that my car shut off by itself. I started to panic. But since I was at the bank I figured I would go in there and make my transaction and then find someone to help me. Lucky for me there was this nice older gentleman parked next to me, so when I was done with business he saw me with my car hood up and offer to give me a jump. I thought, that was all I needed.
We get my car started and then I zoom down the highway, but as soon as I'm in line about to turn to get on the beltline my car shuts off. And it won't start for anything. Not even to save my life. I started to really panic now. The first 15 minutes I spent walking around trying to figure out what to do. That had never happen to me before in my entire life. The only other time that my car would not work was when I ran out of gas trying to get back to school. Lucky for me it was in the early morning and I was on the highway so I just pulled off to the side, called my friend and her boyfriend and they came to rescue me. So, I sat there in my own little world trying to figure out what to do. So many people passed by me and never even looked my way once. There was one guy who yelled from the window, "Do you need help?" But when I told him that I need help moving my car to the side of the road he said something like "Gotta go!" And drove away. Bastard.
While I was in my own little world a police car pulled out behind me and asked me what was wrong. And my first reaction was to say "What the fuck do you think is wrong? My fucking car is stuck in the middle of the road!" But I kept it light and pleasant, but I now had to play the "damsel in distress", if I wanted to get any help. I want to say about 5 minutes after the first cop show up another cop pulled up behind him. They talked and then they both walked over to me. They decided that maybe my car just needed a jump. So, the second cop got in his car and drove around to face my car. They jumped it. It started and I was excited to get on the road and go...
But something was wrong...!
After the second cop left. It died again. The first cop was still with me because he wanted to make sure that I was safe. Another cop showed up and offer to help. So they decided that I needed to get my car out of the middle of the road. So they put it in neutral and I steered it while they pushed me to the side of the road. They called a tow truck. And I waited. Some time between the pushing of my car and the tow truck I called a friend. And he came to help me out. I was surprised that he would even answer. I was very thankful to hear a familiar voice, because I was scared. And hearing a voice that I recognized made me not panic as much.
The police officers left and my friend ended up coming to my rescue. They told me that it wasn't my battery but that it was some kind of belt that powers the battery or something like that. While I waited for the tow truck they went to the store to get the part.
When the tow truck guy came I found out that since a police officer called them, that it would be $175 dollars just for him (the tow truck guy) to put my car (that was two inches away from the damn lift) onto the lift. And that I would have to pay for each mile that we went in addition to the original price. Lucky for me I got paid that day. Yes, I do believe that GOD was looking out for, despite what anyone else says.
I didn't care about the money. So, I let him do his thing. He dropped my car off and me off at my friends house. I paid the money. And then he left. What irked me about having to pay that much money, was that it doesn't take any energy at all to dial the number of a tow truck. You mean to tell me that just for a cop to dial a tow truck, something SO SIMPLE and BASIC and EFFORTLESS I had to pay $175 dollars.
Man fuck this system! That's what I say. I hate that. It wasn't like I anticipated not having my car just stop working on me. But what is done is done. Whatever.
My friend ended up fixing my car. And I noticed that they had extreme patience when they were dealing with my car, even though they did not have all the proper tools that they needed. I also noticed that they never once complained about fixing it or having to take it apart or anything of that nature. They never got mad at me or called me a bad name or anything NEGATIVE. I also took note that it didn't take me a year and a day to fix it. It took about an hour. And then the next thing I knew they were done.
I am very grateful to them for coming to rescue and for fixing my car. This is the second time that my car has fallen apart and they have put it back together for me or at least took me to someone who could put it back together.
The bigger Scope Of Things
I honestly believe that everything happens for a reason. That sometimes we have to breakdown, so that GOD can rebuild us. So that GOD can restore faith to our beaten and bruised hearts. I think that yesterday was a good example of Him doing just that. Restoring faith to my broken and negative thoughts about men. I generally don't believe that men have much of a purpose. I find that most of them just take up space and suck up all the clean oxygen for those of us who actually appreciate living.
But, I think GOD wanted to show me that there are still kind men in the world.
My friend never once asked me to pay him. He didn't even expect to get anything. Maybe he would have asked after he was done fixing my car. But I can not say for sure, because they never said it.
It started me thinking about what type of man I wanted to be with one day, once I got over this phase of slightly detesting the majority of them. And the conclusion that I came to is that I wanted to be with a man that can:
DO, NOT SHOW
In other words a man that can get the job done, but not talk about getting the job done. A man that takes the initiative.
I don't know if trusting a man is in the works for me or not, because I have been tricked so many times that my heart almost no longer wants to even think about being "sweet" or "kind" to a man. But when situations like the one described happen and I call up one of my guy friends and they come to my rescue I always have to re-think things. This is not the first or even second time I have needed one of my guy friends to come to rescue and they came to help me. They never complain when I ask for their help. They have the choice to say no. And that, in the past, has happen to me before. The only difference was he was a guy that I was in love with wholeheartedly. And my life was the last thing he thought about keeping safe. Matter of fact he told me that I could walk to his place, instead of him "wasting his time" to come get me...
I guess, when you come across a lot of guys who just don't have any want to care about you, you get kind of cynical and extremely defensive about everything. I know that men are attracted to me. But the question I end up asking, is "Do you care about me?" Some of them have said, yes without any hesitation but not for pure reasons. Other hesitated and then others grew silent. Then they disappeared.
So, my week started off crazy. But, for the most part I kept my cool. I didn't bust out into tears. I didn't scream at anyone. I try my best not to cry "on stage" because I don't want everyone to see me at a weak point. That's when the creepy men with horrible intentions come and try to smooth talk their way into my heart by trying to be my "superman" for the day.
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