Weekend Reflection: Chips and Dip

Disclaimer: There will be some language in this blog that you may find offensive. It is entirely about your perception in how you choose to view the words that are being used. I have decided that because this is my learning experience that I will not edit my material because one or two may have an issue. If you know that you are highly prone to get excited about "bad words" then this is not the material you should be reading.


Onward...

I don't normally make a habit of partying every weekend. Not because I can't but because I'm selective about the company I choose to associate myself with. (although recently due to my new job I have found that I am in need of a pleasant escape more often than not...)I like good quality. I also like consistency. I do not enjoy being around negative drama while I am "feeling a vibe." I work hard during the week. I have a lot of things that I need to do in order to make my life presentable so that one day GOD can bless me with a loving and faithful man who would like to marry me. But, first I have to build my foundation. And my foundation consists of needing to get my masters and needing to get my own place. I'm eager to get back in school because it will mean, for me, that I will be one step closer to being the best woman I can be.

I enjoy spending my weekends at the happy house particularly because I get to meet a variety of different people. These people don't just see me as "that's the pretty girl" but they actually engage in conversation with me. I don't feel pressured to know more than I ought to at this phase in my life nor do I feel as if I should just sit in the corner. In other words I feel that there is a lot of freedom for me to be, as I am: myself.


When most people meet me they seem to be "afraid" and this makes me frown because I genuinely enjoy getting to know all types of people. When I go to the happy house I get to be apart of the connection. Instead of on the outside looking in.


One of the conversations that I had was with a couple who has an open marriage. And although, I do not believe that a marriage between a man and woman should be open I have not closed my mind off to the idea that, that is a lifestyle they enjoy being apart of. If they are happy. I am no one to judge. I admire their ability to communicate their feelings to one another. And it is not an aggression thing. I generally see that they have a mutual admiration and respect for one another. And that is part of what makes them such a good couple.


What I learned from engaging in a conversation with the wife is that in her world there are 3 forms of physical intimacy.


1. Making love


2. Sex


3. Fucking


From what I understood:


1. When you make love, your hearts, souls and minds connect. You feel this sense of "gravity." There is a feeling that you are pouring your entire heart into pleasing your husband. You are satisfied in all forms. There is no tension in your heart nor your mind. You feel safe. You know serenity from within. 


2. Sex is a way for you and your husband to explore one another's bodies. This is just a fun way to figure out what pleases both of you. But it is not based on any immediate strong connection. There can be a connection there, but it is not the focus. Inother words it is a sport. Something fun to be apart of. (Most romantic Hollywood blown up movies)


3. Fucking, is emotionless. And does not care about pleasing your husband but rather just pleasing yourself. This is where you strictly just use the other person to "get off." When it is over. You get up, wipe off and leave. The end. The focus here is just on getting off and nothing more. (aka: porn)

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I also learned that you won't always be able to decipher someone's core values by just having one or two conversations with a person. This also comes from the idea of communication. I learned that some people are not very effective communicators. Most people only half listen to what you are saying, unless it benefits them in some way. Then you have others who strictly just want to hear what they want to hear. The selective hearing. Then you have people who don't listen at all, but they just stare at your face and nod their head either because they don't care, they are too afraid to voice their opinion or they do not have an opinion on the topic that you are speaking about.


I also learned that in every social gathering, there has to be that one person that has to have an extreme personality. No matter how it comes across. Because that is the person that gets the "party started." They break the ice. If, it were not for that person then everyone would sit around staring at the wall. It would be like going to your first middle school dance and having the boys standing on one side of the wall and the girls standing on the other. Neither one wants to make the first move, because neither one of those wants to be exposed. One of the names of the "game" between interactions with males and females is, "Who will be vulnerable first?" The hesitation stems from the fear of being rejected. But, if you have a personality that is all about learning and experiencing new possibilities. Then the fear of rejection is not the focus on your mind. So, you will be more willing to step outside of your comfort zone to lead someone into your dance. And if, by chance they like how you dance. Then a nice friendship can develop.

The other thing is that from now on I'm going to take things slow. This was re-enforced by the experience I had with my first photoshoot in awhile. The shoot was set for 4pm. It was clear that I was going to be late. So, I rushed around trying to get my stuff together. I was speeding and honking my horn and carrying on. When I got there I received a text that said it wouldn't start until 5:30. So, not only was a whole hour early and dressed and ready to go, but I had almost died trying to get there. Then we didn't actually get started until about 6 something because one or two of the girls were getting ready. I was pissed, because if I would have known we were not actually going to shoot until 6:30pm I would not have rushed. So, I firmly believe that rushing in life to do anything is never a good idea. And I will no longer do it. 


I'm going to spend more time investing energy into people, so that I can figure out what their strengths are. I kind of look at it like: I'm a sponge. And the holes that are in my frame are the parts that other people will fill in, if I choose to keep them as a close friend. I don't have a big network of friends because I value quality or quantity. But, the ones that I do have are very reliable and they are there for me at different points in my life. 


I have chosen to invest time in getting to know them because they complete some part of me that I am not able to complete on my own. For example, I have a friend that I have known since my freshman year in high school. Our lives went down different paths, but the one thing that is consistent with our friendship is that anytime I needed her, she was always there for me. Even when i went through my boy drama she didn't judge me, but continued to support me and offer the best advice she could at the time. We did not talk every single day at some points in our friendship. 


We had times where we wouldn't talk for months just because I was busy with school and she was busy getting her life in order etc. But when we did, we picked up right where we left off. And often I have found that the best friendships are the ones where we give one another space to be missed, gain new experiences etc. Then when we finally get together we have so much to share. And the conversations are that much more stimulating. That is partly why in high school I could never be apart of a "crew." Because, well the truth is "damn I don't want to see your face every single day. Give me something to miss. So that I will be able to appreciate the friendship more."


And maybe it is not that blunt in perspective. Maybe it is just that I am strong enough in myself to stand on my own without the need to have "best girl friends." I did try to have a best girl-friend a long time ago. But I realized that she wanted me to be up under her all the time and she essentially wanted to control my life. If I wasn't hanging out with her, then she thought that I didn't want to be her friend. I mean damn can I have some "ME TIME" every now and then.


I also will say that my thoughts about "love" have changed. I used to think that the strongest love bond should be in a romantic setting. But, now I believe that the love between friends is just as important if not more, because with that type of connection it can set the foundation for a solid relationship, whether it turns strictly romantic or remains platonic. 


What I have to remember, is that just because something changes does not mean that the change itself is "bad." I use to think that if I dated a guy and then he suddenly didn't call me as often that, that automatically meant that he didn't want to be with me anymore and was falling out of "like" with me. But, it could have been very likely that he was starting to get "comfortable" or feel more secure in the relationship so he no longer felt that he had to invest so much time in establishing a firm connection. 


But honestly, my downfall is that I sometimes give some men too much credit. It wasn't as if he sat down and reflected on the changes and decided that, that was indeed one of the reasons why he started to call less and less... but it was more basic. It was a change that was somewhat made without him being aware of it. 


How strange how the male mind works. Most men are so unaware of all that transitions that are going on around them. If it doesn't have to do with money, cars, sex and alcohol they do not notice it.