So my goal is get to NY. It is all I dream about, even if I don't get to stay long at least I can get a chance to be somewhere, where I have a fighting chance of being heard and seen.
I want to be in big productions, musicals, runway shows etc. I have so much talent bottled up inside of me but people in NC just look me over. There have been people who started out wanting to help me get out there but then they got distracted or they started wanting to control and possess me. They wanted to mold me into the person that they wanted me to be and it clashed horribly with who I really was in the inside.
I spent the beginning of my twenties worrying about everyone else. I dipped in and out of relationships that led to nowhere and all I have to show for all the time and effort that I put into those relationships are bruises and scars.
So it is time for me to step out on my own and do my own thing. I can't be afraid to let my light shine. I thought I had a team of people who I could trust, but realized that I have to put my full trust in God and let him order and direct my steps.
Please don't get me wrong I am very thankful for all the people that God placed in my life and all the many more that I will meet on this journey. When I make it to the top I will be sure to give them recognition. I know that no matter where I go I will keep them close to my heart. Their kindness. Their Love. Gives me strength to keep going on in life. There were a lot of times when I wanted to give up on life all together. But each time I wanted to quit, there was always a voice that said "don't give up. don't quit."
I want to be in magazines, in commercials, on TV shows, on billboards etc. I want my face to be seen everywhere! I want people to see my face so much that there won't be anywhere, where they won't see my face. I want the people who hurt me, put me down and spit on my life to see that I made it. I don't hold grudges. I forgive people. But I never forget.
I will be a supermodel and I will sing.
If those are the only two things that I get to do in life, then I will do them to the best of my abilities. I'm not married. I don't have any children. I have my degree. So, I don't have anything holding me back from reaching for the top. I tried to follow the rest of the world and after undergraduate school, go straight into getting my masters but everything that you could think of blocked me. It may be in the cards for me later, but not right now.
All I need to do is meet one person who believes in my abilities the way I believe in them and then I will be okay.
I have to be careful because "all that glitters is not gold" so sometimes even when people offer to help out of being "kind" they develop a hidden agenda. The more they help me, the more I owe them...
So I have to make sure that everything is genuine.
I also want to go to a place where my creativity will be appreciated. Where I can write, sing and model and get recognition for my talents. People in NC move too slow for me. They also don't have much appreciation for beauty of any form or any kind. If it doesn't fit the mold, then in their eye it is not beautiful. But I'm done with that close minded thinking. I want more in life than just sitting around watching the world move.
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