Yesterday February 9th 2013 my church, The First Biblican Church of Deliverance open our house so that another church New Covenant could have their 12th anniversary celebration there.
The event was powerful! The little church that normally only has about 5-20 members was packed. We really had to get comfortable with one another. There were so many people that a couple of the men from security had to set up fold out chairs on the sides of the pews. It was the: "overflow."
The service lasted from 7pm to almost 12am.
I was not bothered by the length of the service. I was in awe at her confidence in God, and power.
She speaks with authority. She speaks and mountains move to the side. It was remarkable! Liberating! She moved the audience! She allowed her body to be a vessel that God could speak through. She definitely is a warrior for Gods Love and a Gladiator for Christ. In her speaking she was gentle but firm about everything that she preached. It didn't really feel like an event, but more like a "FAMILY MEETING."
This was not the first time that I heard her preach. This was my second time and both times my jaw was on the floor! Many of the things that she said I think about and post on my facebook.
One example: The floods, the tornadoes, the earthquakes (etc) those are all signs that God is cleaning up the world. Especially that Hurricane that hit NY not too long ago, that was a clear sign that God is cleaning up NY. How often do you hear of NY being flooded out???????????? exactly!
In growing up, I always believed in the good parts of the Bible. You know the bible teachings that they tell to children at VBS (Vacation Bible School) or during Sunday school? Well those were the lessons that I remembered not knowing that there was a whole other side that I didn't know about.
The spiritual warfare side....
I knew that spiritual warfare existed when I got into my car accident last summer. The devil was trying to keep me from going to the CMA's (Carolina music awards). But God sent one of his angels to come and pick me up in their jeep and carry me forward. That is only one example of the awesome power and wonderfulness of God. The main one is that I'm still alive to write about it. That car accident was not the first time that I could have lost my life though, I could have lost it several times before that. But God came in and saved me every time.
What the speaker prophesied to me was very general but she said that I have value and that basically I didn't have to cheapen myself. I was almost offended, but as soon as I felt that defensive spirit try to rise up, it instantly went back down when my heart and mind screamed out "She's right!"
***
I don't know what it is about being in love, but being that way seems to weaken me. I go from being bold in speech to shy. I go from being aggressive about truth to being reserved about sharing it. When I'm in love with "man" then my heart is weakened. But when I'm in love with Jesus. My heart is strengthened. The only exception to this rule is when God sends my husband. He will be filled with the love of Jesus Christ and so being in love with him will not weaken me.
I couldn't figure out what it was about me that tried to love the "bad" out of people or in universal terms tried to love the negative energy out or off of someone. The men that were kind to me I don't pay attention to and the men that treated me like crap I gave all my attention to. It was one of the things that I was dealing with in college.
See, I have heart to love. When I get to love I grow stronger. When I get to comfort, protect, help and guide I get stronger. But what I realized is that I can be no man's personal savior. I can't carry the cross for any man. We all as individuals stand before the seat of judgement and I won't be able to use my heart to protect anyone then. So, why should I use it now? They have to go through life too and learn all the lessons that God has for them, just as I must do.
When I use to date, sometimes my grandmother and aunt could not figure out why I would date a certain type of guy. It was not because I actually liked them or enjoyed their company because
1. I didn't know them that well, to know if I "liked" them
But I did know that I had a strong case of the Saving mentality or the Broken wing syndrome. Where you take a person who is broken and beat up and you use your heart, love, attention, time etc to restore them back to their full confidence. But in doing that I found that my dates were restored through all the energy I shared and then they ran away to share the positive energy with another woman. In some cases they ended up staying faithful, dedicated and fully committed, they married her and started a family together. I was forgotten, talked about hatefully and dismissed.... and while my heart was bleeding, he was celebrating in his new life and happiness.
So I had to put an end to that....because when I love, I love hard. That is why I'm reserved when it comes to dating (now) and selective because loving someone could "kill" me, if I'm not careful.
Now that I'm a Queen, through Jesus Christ my Lord and Savior my old life holds no weight.
I now have to be an example of light and love to all who see me, especially children and teenage girls. It is a responsibility that I did not ask for in particular but it is one that I have accepted because no matter what I do it will always be there. I thought I could hide away and just live my life in a "cave" with my music and my writings. But God did not create me to be hidden. He also did not create me to dabble with the average (average minds equal average people).
If I wanted to I could hold a position of power. If I wanted to I could step out and be a leader, but a part of being a leader means that you know how to command an audience. I know how to do that with music, no doubt! But now I have to learn how to do that with words. I have stood on my own for awhile, whether in my mind(disconnected from everyone when I lost my mother) or physically(when I went to college).
So standing on my own is not the issue, but now that I'm strong enough to stand on my own, what do I do with my strength?
I'm glad I went to the "family meeting." I have a lot more work to do before I can get as powerful as the speaker that night. But my life not my own and I'm tired of this mundane repetitive cycle that the world wants to trap me in... so I will see what God has in store for me. I know that it is far greater than anything that the world can give me.
To God be the Glory!
(if you're a fan of positive energy and tons of love please like my page. Always love)
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