Dreams and Passions: Opera, Musical Theater, Singing

One of my biggest passions is to sing Opera, or Musical Theater in general. I only experienced musical theater once in my life, but even though it was a lot of hard work, I had a blast learning and making new friendships with the young men and women that were part of the production. 

Still In Virgina No Choice But To Rise (4 Months Now)

God has placed me in an environment where I can only talk to and depend on him. He took away any form of comforting distraction. I keep trying to be "normal" but that is not what God has called me to be.

Every time a man comes in my life God cuts me right off from them, except with my last real relationship. The one that got me here in the first place. He moved me, and strangely enough he moved me five minutes away from where he lives. How interesting... right?

It almost feels like God has me sitting in the "waiting room." It could be that when he is done cleaning both of us up and strengthening our gifts that he will put us back together for his glory. But, while I'm waiting to see what the next move of God is I know that I have to continue to "be about my Father's business."

I don't know if it is wrong to miss someone or not, but the truth of the matter of my heart is that I do. I try not to dwell on it too much, but it makes me sad. That they are so close, yet so far away it seems. I can not stand in the gap and intercede on behalf of them when they are going through a spiritual battle, because God has moved me out of the way. Whatever they are going through, they have to go through alone. Just as I have to go through this alone. This time will teach us how to rely on God, wholeheartedly all the time no matter if we are together in the future or not. So, even though it hurts me, durn near breaks my heart some times. I know that it is for the best right now...

The other thing is that I'm learning men are not as strong as they like to think they are. As, God is cleaning me up to be a Queen and strengthening my mind, soul, body and spirit I realize that men are starting to come out of the woods ready to distract me and stand in my way. As soon, as the man that I love and I were separated that is when the vultures and lecherous beasts came out.

The other thing I realized is that just as God hears your prayers so can the devil. So, even though it might look like "light" does not necessarily mean it is holy and righteous light, because even satan was of the light.

I as that to say, that I thought I was going to be engaged this month, but it turns out that the guy that I was dating is not who he said he was. He talked about how he wanted honesty and communication, but the strange thing is that he didn't want honesty and communication when he was upset. See, that's the thing.

How honest and open to communication can you be no matter what emotion you are feeling? I thought because he was older that maybe he would be more mature. But, I should have known from what he told me that he was selfish and spoiled. My ears are always listening for red flag signs. He told me stories of when he would get into fights or act crazy and how people were so afraid of him that they would just let him do whatever. So, in other words... he would throw a tantrum and then he would get his way. And that doesn't fly with me...

How is the priest of the household that I live in, going to be a good explain to my sons if he is too busy being selfish and stomping around complaining about what someone did to him. "You hurt me!" No you hurt yourself, by not listening, by being distant and not communicating with me when I clearly asked you in the beginning to be honest with me at all times.

I'm not perfect, let me just say that. But, at least I take the time to reflect. I could tell by his actions that he has an abusive personality and maybe that's really why his first marriage failed. He said it was because his wife at the time was on drugs, but how do I know that he didn't influence her by being hateful, selfish, and mean to use drugs in the first place?

I thank God that he closed the door on that little "playhouse" idea. The next time I meet a man, he will have his own place, own car, a stabl job and a degree from a certified accredited college. And most importantly he will love God, be more than passionate about learning and loving GOD.



 

Life In Virginia: The Shaking, The Beating, The Pressing

                         
I'm still here in VA. I'm not really sure why, because most of those who I thought were supportive of me have turned their back against me. I really should go home, but I enjoy the church I attended and I like being apart of souls4real. They are a community gospel group, passionate and on fire for God.

Yet, in my own time I find that I am lonely and I still feel somewhat hurt by all the unexpected events that took place. Why should I stay in a town where the only person that I trusted and said that I could talk to about anything and everything, no longer wants to speak to me? The only real friend I had, can't even text me back. We went from talking every single day, to nothing at all. And there is no explanation. Just poof gone. Disappeared.

How can you tell someone that you love and care about them and then turn around and disappear on them, when they need you the most?

It is messed up. And everyone who hears that part of my testimony will agree. But, God will take care of them. I believe and trust that.

I love them very much, still yet. And whenever they want to be in my life again the door is always open. But the next time they come back they have to come back correct and in their right mind.

Right now, I have been praying for guidance in the right direction. I need to make sure that this area is where God really needs for me to be.

The other thing on top of that is that I no longer have the job that I originally started with, because they would not understand about employee safety. They didn't care. I'm not going to work for a company that doesn't care about employee safety.

When I started the job I was excited to have it, because I still had the support of my friend. So they would come pick me up from work and I would get home at a decent hour. But, after they abandon me I had to learn to take the bus and in taking the bus I didn't get home until around 9:30pm or even 10pm sometimes. Then I had to walk a mile in the dark.

Many people say that you need to take responsibility for your own self, but I guarantee that if the shoe was their foot they would want someone to understand and support them too. Nope, I'm not looking for a pity party. I don't like those, can't stand them. Waste too much time, but I am looking for those who know how to pray to pray that justice be done in the name of Jesus Christ and that all things be ordered in the Will of Abba, Father.

The shaking: The transition to Virginia.
The beating: the unexpected event
The pressing: the aftermath of the unexpected event

You don't treat the people bad that stood in the gap and interceded for you, that prayed for you constantly, the essentially took spiritual beatings for you, that introduced you to their resources so you could try to get a job, that stood by you and prayed while everything around you was falling a part.

No, you don't treat people like that...

And no, I wasn't perfect because "hurt begets hurt" and when the hurt came my flesh rose and it was horrible. But, I repented and I apologized to them.

You don't make a promise to be their and support them and then turn around and things aren't going well in your life just act like you never said those things.

 

 

The Big Move: Virginia (Stability, Peace, Love)

 

 

I came to Virginia with one thought in mind and God opened my mind to several other options. How interesting?

I'm here because there is more opportunity here for me to make a difference. I know that being in NC was not where God needed for me to be, because every door that I tried to or was already opened slammed shut in my face.

I was working around in circles. I was wasting my life.

Those of you who know a word of prayer, pray for that God sends or blesses my life with the following:

Peace
Strength
Good health
My own good reliable transportation ( a car)
Stability (financial, mental, physical, emotional, spiritual)
LOVE

Thank you. If you have any comments to leave of encouragement please leave them. All kindness and love is always welcomed.

God bless

HIghlights, Updates, New Life

NO MEN, until God sends my husband. My husband is the only man that I want, after Jesus Christ. I don't want to date. I don't want to court. I just want my husband and when God send him. I will know and he will know and it will be the right fit and everything will flow in perfect order. 

I finally moved into my new place and I'm pretty happy. I have a lot of space to put all my things. The only thing now is that I just need a bed and I need to give the place a home like feeling.

God has blessed me with a job working with Children which I love, and he is opening doors for me to receive another job working more with beauty, skin care products.

I'm excited about where God is taking me. I had no idea that a month ago I would be where I am today.

There was some pain involved, as it is to be expected with all of my transitions.

The bottom line, is that God doesn't want my attention to be on any man but his son Jesus Christ.

Until He (God) is ready to give my heart to the man worthy enough and strong enough to protect it.

Here are the things that I have been praying for:

A car (good transportation)

Financial Stability

Good reports from all my grandmothers doctors

My husband to find me

For God to birth out my ministry

For the sick, the weary in spirit.

To bless the lives who showed kindness in a cheerful spirit
And opened their home to me.

By my birthday this year I want to be engaged.

Also, I want to get my masters degree in law, education, or pyschology

I'm thanking God for all of these things in advance because I know that he will provide them all. Not on my time of course. But on his time.

I'm working on reading the four gospels.

I'm also going to start working out again and eating more healthy.

Dedicated Woman of GOD: Chynadahl Malandie

Before you read this you need to know that we all fall short of the glory of God. That no human on this planet is perfect. But that God can clean up anyone for his glory. 

This entry really should go into the other blog, but this young woman has played such an important role(s) in my life that I felt it necessary to speak on it here. On the front. 

I really don't deserve to be shown such kindness, nor love because I am imperfect and I have many flaws myself which I am asking God to clean me up from. But even with me knowing that, I am still loved. 

I was never the best at public speaking, so if you Woman of God are reading this know that I love you very much and that I am very thankful and grateful that God gave you the patience and the love to deal with me. 

Young Adults in the workforce (Part 1): Frustrations in even finding Basic Work

I never had so much trouble trying to find a job in my life.
I know that these are tough economic times but maybe they would not be if people who had plenty enough were not so greedy. But that is another story.

I found this article on craigslist and I wanted to share it because it somewhat sums up the frustrations of trying to find a job.

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/ofc/3905362929.html

 

Myself and many other young adults, broke our backs and necks to attend college because it was slammed down our throats that in order to live a comfortable life we needed a degree. So we worked hard to get one. But what did we get from it?

 

 

What I'm finding now is that even though I have a degree that most places are reluctant to hire me because I don't have enough experience (they say). But it does not take a rocket scientist to follow directions on a piece of paper and or on a HD LG screen. It just takes a person to know how to read and to comprehend what they are reading. Those are basic skills.

 

 

Most of the experience that I have is with modeling, working with children, administrative/clerical work, hosting and singing.

 

Yet, if I were to put all the experience that I have my resume would be over 5 pages long then because It is not set in perfect alignment with the rules of the "corporate" world then it gets tossed.

 

Perfect margins!

 

Double space!

 

No exotic fonts!

 

 

It has to follow the guidelines or it won't even be considered.

 

 

That's another limitation right there.

 

Why? because how can you see my full array of potential if it is not written in front of you, thus causing the employer to assume that I don't have any experiences in the field that the job is in, when I actually do.

 

Then even when I search for basic hosting jobs, I'm finding that they are asking for the person to do a lot more than requires of a basic host job, but they don't want to pay.

 

Not only do some places want you to seat the people but they want you to

Clean the windows/bathrooms/take out the trash

Help servers bring out their food

Sometimes take orders for the server

Run additional errands (not written in the job description)

Have a degree/be attending school

(Yep, just to stand at the front of the door and greet people with a smile some places require you to have some kind of degree)

 

Yet, I have been working long enough to know that there are always make exceptions to the standard rules.

 

That's why it is not so much about what you know in general (general knowledge etc), it is about who you know and what you KNOW about them.

 

Nowadays if you want to make an honest living by let's say working in McDonalds, you have to jump with hoops, walk on hot coals, swim with sharks, sit on an ant hill and all kinds of crazy things just to get minimum wage, which really translate too enough money to keep your lights on and the hot water running.

 

It is very sad. I have never seen it this bad before. A few years ago I could come home from college and just hop on craigslist and have about several interviews lined up back to back in one day. Now, I'm lucky if I get even one.

 

Then I have seen where they hire people who don't even want to work, don't have any of the credentials or qualities that the job description asked for but because he/she knew someone that knew someone well boom they got the job.

 

So the question is, what is the point in going to college at all? And what is the point of trying to keep yourself as role model citizen. What is the point in going for all the prestigious jobs just to keep up with the "jones" and or to keep a good name when in reality if you were to just meet any stranger who had money and a need for some assistance, you could get a job that quick???

 

Going through all the trouble to polish and primp and watch what we say and do good and volunteer and have the perfect resume etc And in the end none of that matters that much because it really is all about who you know.

 

 

 



Reminders for the Next Great Adventure!!!!! (Pictures!)

The things and the people that I encountered, the situations that I found myself in were all unexpected.  I had a lot of fun. I wish that I would have been more adventurous. But I think in the end it all worked out as it should have.

There are some things that I want to address, as reminders. I am mainly writing this for myself, so that the next time I go out of town I will remember these things. But since this is public I hope that something that I have written is able to help you next time you travel.

Let's get started....

1. Bring extra cash.

(I did not know that you had to pay for one of your bags to be loaded on the bus. It is 15 dollars for each extra bag. Thank God that the lady wasn't hateful and mean or else I would still be stuck at the bus station with my bag lol)

2. Use a rolling travelling suitcase with a handle.

See, I thought that I would have someone to help me carry my stuff wherever I went. I also thought that the bag was not as heavy as it was. It was a field day trying to get that big suitcase all over town. The only reason why it was extra heavy is because it had my laptop in it.

The next time I travel I'm going to make it very easy on myself and on my back and just roll everything around behind me.

3. Heels are for sitting, Flats are walking

If you walk around in heels in the city your poor little toesies are going to hurt, so make sure to bring flats.

4. Don't be afraid to ask for directions

You will save a lot more time if you just walk up to someone and ask them if they know where such and such place is versus you trying to look for it yourself.

5. I didn't know it was going to get that HOT in DC, but when I was there it was hot and so I will never walk anywhere without bringing a bottle of water. OH! MY GOSH! lol

6. Also don't buy anything or do anything that you can also do back home. I spent so much money on drinks when I went out. That I forgot that I was just visiting. I did try some different kind of fruity drinks, but I can always try that being in NC for way cheaper lol

I was so happy to finally get a chance to leave NC. I needed to regroup. I needed a break and God certainly looked out for me.



 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mr. Patient Honesty (Boxing Ring of Intelligence)

I met a man who had a gift to melt the ice around this heart. He had a cool confidence and his patience was incredibly strong, but gentle towards me. I could not believe that he was a real person.

My "intelligence" was on full alert!

Sarcasm and raw truth shot out like daggers...

The more I said, the more he absorbed. Every off handed comment, every sarcastic note, every indifferent glare and for the first time I thought that maybe "God" had sent someone who was strong enough to match me. Strong enough to be my friend. Strong enough to stand by my side on this battlefield that many don't realize but called: Life.

He was respectful. He listened to me speak. He opened my doors. But most importantly I felt safe in his arms. I knew that if any man tried to grab on me (as most men unapologetically do...) he would protect me.

He asked me "why are you so mean?"

I replied: "I don't know..."

In his embrace I felt the ice around my heart melt. When my voice was raised. When I acted indifferent. When I was mean. When I was sarcastic. He was patient. It was as if he knew how to counter my every "attack..."

Why does my "intelligence" naturally go into attack mode?

For protection of my heart.

Too many times in the past I shared my heart with the wrong guy. They appeared to be nice. They wanted to be close. They wanted my attention. They wanted my affection...

I have learned that even now, men still like the "cat and mouse" game. They still like to do the chasing....

The second I started to give back. I started to become aware that they liked me a lot. The second I started to show them how much I appreciated them. The moment I started to give, that's when the tables turned and instead of appreciating my giving heart... they only took what I was giving. I was so happy to meet a man that accepted my kind heart. But once they found out that I was a "giver" that's all they expected me to do. Then they stopped being givers. I thought that in order to guarantee that they would be "faithful" and "committed" to me that I had to keep giving...

But little did I know at the time, that it was all apart of a game. That's how I know that men are selfish creatures. Also, that's how I know that men are not stupid though... he read the pattern that I gave out. The more I give the more, he took, the more he would pretend. Then one day, they decide that they want more... and because I didn't have any self-worth I fought tooth and nail; drove myself half bald-headed just to try to accommodate his desires... only to find that none of what I did mattered. Because he left anyway and the woman he met after me, not only was he head over heels in love with and extremely devoted too, he also married her.

Now they have a family together and live happily ever after.

Situations like that happened more than once in my short time on this earth, as a matter of fact, they take up about 80 percent of my life. Why? Because in my old life I was desperate to find a distraction from my pain. I was so desperate to find someone who could understand all parts of me, the giver (the kind side), the scientist (the intelligent side) etc

So I told myself never again would I allow a man to degrade my self-worth. Never again would I let a man get that close to me...

I fought hard to keep him away. But even as I fought I could feel myself trusting this man, who was so patient and had a cool confidence more and more...

Even when it was time for him to go home (we spent a good bit of the evening together from about 8pm to 2am). There was something that was strong in us. You know that knot in the stomach feeling? The butterflies? Well those feelings were strong. In the midst of the situation I was trying to analyze everything, when I should have been enjoying my time with this random awesome man. Its so rare that I meet a man that I can truly say is awesome. Not awesome because he has money, wears nice clothes or has travelled... but awesome because I respect the little bit that I did know about him.

I don't think much of men these days. Matter of fact most of them could go jump into a pool of sharks and I wouldn't think much of it. Most are lazy, selfish and just take up precious oxygen for those of us that really want to use our brains to live fully functioning positive lives....

But like with most situations I knew that he would lost interest or disappear. It has been a pattern in my life ever since I started dating. Also I knew that once my heart was softened (which has been a very long time since I felt that...) that I would want more of that feeling of "safety..." I wanted to know more about this man that had the ability to soften my heart with just a simple sentence and a hug. I wanted to learn everything about him. My heart was so happy to meet a man who had the patience, the confidence etc to handle my "aggressive" side. So, I thought that we could be friends.
But in my logic I knew that we were "moving" too fast. I picked up on that way before when he and I were at a bar, and as we were leaving he walked out and saw me talking to another guy and he got upset. I thought it was strange, because he just met me, so why was he getting upset?

But I understood that in that moment he liked me more than he felt comfortable wanting to admit. When I got home and reflected on our awesome "hang out session" together. I liked him more than I was comfortable admitting. I wanted him to come back and hang out, but then he got "busy..."

And such is the story of my life...

Meet an awesome guy once in a blue moon, then he disappears or gets "busy." I sent him texts, he would text me back. But then my logic kicked in, "what's the point in having a man in my life who doesn't want to get to know me or help me in some kind of way?"
I sent one last text. He never responded.

And that was the end of that....

My intelligence went back to test, as now I'm programmed to do. I test and test and test until men do either one of two things:

1. disappear

2. challenge me back

3. Ask me why I'm still testing him?

Most just disappear. I told him that I can't associate with anyone that is weak in their heart, mind, or spirit. I need to be with a man who is strong enough to handle me through the good and the bad times... I mean, I even had to cut out friends, friends that I have known since middle school because they were too weak to handle my raw honesty.

He said that it was too soon for all of that... which I understood. But at this point in my life "too soon" is not even an option, because I could die tomorrow. So I want to make sure that the people I associate with care about my life.

The last time I went to the doctor they told me that I had a weak heart and that too much stress or pressure could give me a heart-attack, even in my early 20's. I almost died before when I gave a man a piece of my heart that all he did was step on. And ever since that time I have kept a wall around my heart....

I'm like a rose with thorns. I'm beautiful to look at, but no one can get close to me because I'll prick them. I don't mean to. At the core I'm a sweet person. But any man who wants to get close to me puts me on alert. Most men just want to hurt me, beat me down, degrade me, stomp the strength in my heart.... and mold me into the type of woman that they want me to be.

I never met a man who just wanted to protect me, until I met him... But it was nice to "rest" from having to fight for those few hours. But like I knew, he wasn't strong enough to stay in my life... so now I have to go back to protecting my heart using my God-given intelligence and strength.

 

 

But, at least I was reminded that there are men out there who still appreciate loving hearts like mine... maybe that's all I will get throughout my life. I would like to be in a relationship one day, but men just aren't strong enough to handle me.... and if they can't handle me at my worst, then they don't deserve me at my most loving.

But I'm praying I'll meet a man who will care about me even on my most unruly and "ugly" moments... *sigh* been single for awhile. But its not because I haven't tried. Its just because they(men) have been too sacred to step into the boxing ring of intelligence with me and prove to me that they are strong enough to handle me.

Inside (((Screaming))) Out

I write, because if I don't I'm afraid that my head might explode off my body or even worse that I might pop a few blood vessels and die from massive blood loss. Either way I could die if I don't write.

I don't do a lot of talking in real life because when I do people just look at me like I'm a three eyed, ten toed monster with sharp razor teeth and a loud howl that could pierce the heart of the mightiest of men. Yeah, people think I'm a "monster..." but only because I think too much (so they say, at least I can think for myself) and because I love too strongly (at least I know how to love).

Dream Big: The Singer & The Supermodel

I'm ready to travel away from NC. I feel like I'm trapped. I feel like every moment I spend in NC I'm suffocating and my abilities, talents or gifts are "drying" up. I have never wanted to fly from the nest as bad as I want to now. It is a thirst that I can not quench. 

So my goal is get to NY. It is all I dream about, even if I don't get to stay long at least I can get a chance to be somewhere, where I have a fighting chance of being heard and seen. 

I want to be in big productions, musicals, runway shows etc. I have so much talent bottled up inside of me but people in NC just look me over. There have been people who started out wanting to help me get out there but then they got distracted or they started wanting to control and possess me. They wanted to mold me into the person that they wanted me to be and it clashed horribly with who I really was in the inside. 

I spent the beginning of my twenties worrying about everyone else. I dipped in and out of relationships that led to nowhere and all I have to show for all the time and effort that I put into those relationships are bruises and scars. 

So it is time for me to step out on my own and do my own thing. I can't be afraid to let my light shine. I thought I had a team of people who I could trust, but realized that I have to put my full trust in God and let him order and direct my steps. 

Please don't get me wrong I am very thankful for all the people that God placed in my life and all the many more that I will meet on this journey. When I make it to the top I will be sure to give them recognition. I know that no matter where I go I will keep them close to my heart. Their kindness. Their Love. Gives me strength to keep going on in life. There were a lot of times when I wanted to give up on life all together. But each time I wanted to quit, there was always a voice that said "don't give up. don't quit." 

I want to be in magazines, in commercials, on TV shows, on billboards etc. I want my face to be seen everywhere! I want people to see my face so much that there won't be anywhere, where they won't see my face. I want the people who hurt me, put me down and spit on my life to see that I made it. I don't hold grudges. I forgive people. But I never forget. 

I will be a supermodel and I will sing. 

If those are the only two things that I get to do in life, then I will do them to the best of my abilities. I'm not married. I don't have any children. I have my degree. So, I don't have anything holding me back from reaching for the top. I tried to follow the rest of the world and after undergraduate school, go straight into getting my masters but everything that you could think of blocked me. It may be in the cards for me later, but not right now. 

All I need to do is meet one person who believes in my abilities the way I believe in them and then I will be okay. 

I have to be careful because "all that glitters is not gold" so sometimes even when people offer to help out of being "kind" they develop a hidden agenda. The more they help me, the more I owe them...

So I have to make sure that everything is genuine. 

I also want to go to a place where my creativity will be appreciated. Where I can write, sing and model and get recognition for my talents. People in NC move too slow for me. They also don't have much appreciation for beauty of any form or any kind. If it doesn't fit the mold, then in their eye it is not beautiful. But I'm done with that close minded thinking. I want more in life than just sitting around watching the world move. 

2013: Year To Experiment (part 1)

This year I made up my mind to branch out of my comfort zone and try some new things. I'm not saying anything too dramatic, like try a new drug or anything (I can't mess with that type of stuff anyway. I have to keep my body clean because my body is a temple that I want Jesus Christ to "dwell" in (so to speak)). 

Try new things like: 

Get some of my poetry published. 

Audition for another musical. 

I was in one in college (an original production) and it turned out really well. There were three performance nights. The house was pretty much packed. I was surprised that I had the strength to stick with it despite the drama that I was going through at the time with my ex and his "housekeeper." 

But such is life... I'm in a completely new phase. Although, it hasn't been the easiest of phases to step into. 

One of the things that I'm going to focus on is strengthening my walk with Christ. I was already strong before. The strange thing was that it was my strength that men tried to tear down (now instead of tear it down they try to manipulate and control it...) Also, I found that my strength didn't last. So, now I rely on the strength of God to help me get through. 

In saying that I ran across a book that I found quite interesting and very fitting for this phase...

Transformation: Name Change(Legacy of Greatness)

Faith sees the invisible, believes the unbelievable, and receives the impossible. 

Corrie Ten Boom

I'm a writer.  It is my second passion.

I write poems, novels, short stories, screenplays, songs, speeches, you name it I love to write it. That is my second passion after singing. If I could make money writing then that would be fantastic, but unfortunately what I write is controversial and I feel like people are not ready to read it because they don't like to hear the truth. 

When I write I don't sugarcoat anything. I say it how it is and then I let the people reflect on it. I have gotten angry and hateful responses in the past for some of the things that I have written about men. It was not that they were not TRUE statements, but it was that those statements did not apply to the ones that were reading it and thus made them feel "some type of way." 

I have changed a great deal since my days in college. I have changed so much in the last six months that it even amazes me!

Granted...

This transition is not easy, because a lot of the things that I would have asked my mother I now have to go find other people to ask. I have asked God many times "why he had to take her..." but of course I never get a response. I'm in this transition for a reason. I was dealt the unlucky cards because I'm meant to be apart of something great. 

I feel it. I know it. 

If not through singing, then through writing and if not through either one of those then through sharing my big heart. For example, I love children (I don't know if I will ever have my own but...). When children see me their little eye light up and big smiles cross their faces. I work at a daycare, only a few times a month of course for now. But when I see those kids my heart just fills with all the patience and kindness and joy in the world. It is an incredible feeling. They listen and are obedient. I don't ever have to get firm with them at all. 

I'm thinking about teaching, but we will see where God needs me to be.

I have a heart bigger than the sun. I know that God gave me a big heart so that I could bless other people with it. In saying that I also have to say that, that means I must protect it with all the energy I can muster. I got rid of all my distractions. I got rid of all the people that were holding back from Greatness.

On top of the songs that I already have from my teenage years (ones that I'm revamping...), I'm also finally in a place where I can write new material. New poems. New songs. I now have the time and energy to focus on positively influencing the world. Many people want to be heard and be seen. But I want to (and will) leave behind a 

LEGACY of GREATNESS. 

I confess that this walk has not been easy. There was a point where I felt like I lost more than I had gained, but the truth is what I lost in distractions I gained in blessings. I now have more peace. I now have more humility. I now have more love in my life than I could ever imagine. I was so hurt before so much to the point that I was going to give up singing. I almost lost my gift to sing because I wanted to be distracted from the world so bad, but I firmly believe that God sent angels to keep me on the right track ;)

I think that God has a few more things to clean up in my life, a name change and then I will be all set to really change the world not just with my voice but with my heart and the one that I carry: my mothers.