Lit With Opportunities!

Introducing

Ludazh 

Savage aka Bandit

Kada From Darlington

They are known among their fans and supporters as: 

Camp Lyfe. They currently reside in Columbia, South Carolina. 

Also check out the "BOUT IT" video on YouTube

Cooley High: Made For This

Cooley High is from Southern, MS

But, doesn't consider himself an MC nor a Lyricist, he's just a rapper telling his side of the story, but occasionally he does drop in a few punch-lines here and there just to let his audience know that he does this music thing for real!  

MADE FOR THIS is his latest release.

What really inspired him to compile this tape is the obstacles an Indie Artist goes through in the music business just to try to get their foot in the door. If you don't have thick skin and a whole lot of ambition it will be easy to give up on yourself so that's why he says that he was MADE FOR THIS.

He writes all of his music. He's collaborated with the Black Prince of the South "MYSTIKAL," who is featured on a song titled "Big Ol'." It came out really dope, he thinks it's a hit record. He also collaborated with a great R&B Artist by the name of Dani Douglass who did the hook on a song he has called "It'll Never Be The Same," and another great soulful R&B artist by the name of Breana Marin who laced the hook on a song he has called "Exhale," both which are really dope records.   

Some of the best advice somebody ever gave him came from one of his mentors. He told him a long time ago to never let his right hand know what his left hand is doing, of course he had to figure out what that meant but all he can  say is that he found out what it meant the hard way.

He has written so many songs that picking just one as his favorite is hard to do. But, one of his favorites is his song "Give Me Love," because it expressed the way that he was feeling about a certain situation that he was going through at that moment in time and plus he "killed" it as far as his delivery and wordplay. Another song he likes is of course "Big Ol' featuring Mystikal," it's a super dope song plus it's a little different from everything else that's going on right now. "Aint Going Back Broke" is stupid dope, "D.A.D" is dedicated to his kids just to let them know that their daddy does a lot of things just to make sure that they are comfortable. 

PERFORMANCES

He has performed at quite a few concerts since he started his music career. The places he has been start from Houston, then to Dallas, New Orleans, Atlanta, Wisconsin etc. He doesn't keep up with them, he just keeps up with the people that he meets because with each show that he does he's always leaves somebody with a memorable moment.

His most memorable stage performance was one he did in Tuscaloosa, AL. There was an older lady in the crowd, she had to have been feeling really good because she jumped on stage with him and started to back her booty up on him. Well, with him being him, and he loving to have fun he let her dance on him until she started to pull her pants down lol. He had to stop the music and stop her from going too far!

If he could perform with any popular Artist he would want to be on the same show as Kanye West because his crowds are full of people who like to come out, be entertained, have fun and just let loose. The energy is some kind of ridiculous. It's crazy and that's where he would fit right in!

He says what makes him stand out or different from other Artists is that he is a people person. He tries to give all of his followers feedback. He doesn't think he is better than the next but his music speaks for itself. He is Cooley High and that's all that he can be. His flow is not the same as any other artist, his rap style is his own. He talks a little country, he laughs at dumb stuff and he loves his haters lol. The thing about him is that he loves a small venue just as much as he does a big venue. He doesn't discriminate.  

He has a bright future. He has bigger dreams that's for sure but he's just taking it one day at a time and reading all these contracts thoroughly. He's not going to let the cat out of the bag just yet but just to give ya'll a heads up keep your eyes and ears on Cooley High for a minute and watch him work.

Right now he and his team are working on getting these tour dates set up along with getting a new product on the market. But be on the look out for Cooley High and make sure that you pack these venues out whenever he comes to your neck of the woods. Also  make sure that ya'll get a copy of his latest tape "MADE FOR THIS."  

To Get in contact with him contact his manager: 

Terri Avery @ (601)678-7153 for any inquiries or bookings. 

FB/IG/Twitter @thecooleyhigh. 

His work can be found on iTunes, Spotify, Google, Amazon and all other media outlets just search for COOLEY HIGH.     

Artist & Producer (Tunde #BrownSoul)

His name is Babatunde but they call him Tunde or #TUNDE. He was born in San Bernardino, CA and raised in Long Beach, CA but he presently resides in Columbia, SC. 

He describes his association with #BrownSOUL as a feeling. It’s Love. It’s going to church with your grandmother with dress shoes when you were a whipper snapper. It’s the smell of fried chicken and collard greens on the stove on Sunday after church. It’s a thumbnail cut brown blunt waiting to be filled. BrownSOUL is funk, blues, gospel, and rock music with a tambourine on the Afrobeat.

Career Woman (Red Dragon Promotions)

Her name is Ebony Tyson. She is from Nashville, NC. 

She started her promotional company called: "Red Dragon Promotions" from a place of passion and desire to help other people with gifts and talents be seen and heard. She offers promotional packages for Twitter, Instagram and Facebook. 

The New Chapter: You Are My Adventure

This is a new chapter in my life. It is filled with adventure, sarcasm and of course being absolutely gorgeous. I am in LOVE. Yes! I finally found my prince and he is amazing. He encourages me to be my very best. He supports my dreams to model, sing and travel all over the world. I must say that it is nice to have the support. I won't rehash the last several months of my journey because it isn't relevant to all the amazing and wonderful things happening in my life right now. 

 But, I will say this, I thank God for all the bad moments in life. I thank God for still staying by my side when I wanted to give up. I thank God for sending people to be by my side during the unexpected event. I thank God for still loving me and still sending people to love me even when I was not at my best. I do believe in true Love, because God sent a someone who shows me what it looks like everyday. 

I use to dream that my prince charming would fly into my window on a white horse with diamonds and sweep me off my feet! Oh! how! wonderful, right? yack! hahaha But, I don't have to dream anymore because every day I see my prince. He reminds me that love still exists and that love can happen for me too. 

 

 I am blessed. Even through the storms.

Life In Virginia: The Shaking, The Beating, The Pressing

                         
I'm still here in VA. I'm not really sure why, because most of those who I thought were supportive of me have turned their back against me. I really should go home, but I enjoy the church I attended and I like being apart of souls4real. They are a community gospel group, passionate and on fire for God.

Yet, in my own time I find that I am lonely and I still feel somewhat hurt by all the unexpected events that took place. Why should I stay in a town where the only person that I trusted and said that I could talk to about anything and everything, no longer wants to speak to me? The only real friend I had, can't even text me back. We went from talking every single day, to nothing at all. And there is no explanation. Just poof gone. Disappeared.

How can you tell someone that you love and care about them and then turn around and disappear on them, when they need you the most?

It is messed up. And everyone who hears that part of my testimony will agree. But, God will take care of them. I believe and trust that.

I love them very much, still yet. And whenever they want to be in my life again the door is always open. But the next time they come back they have to come back correct and in their right mind.

Right now, I have been praying for guidance in the right direction. I need to make sure that this area is where God really needs for me to be.

The other thing on top of that is that I no longer have the job that I originally started with, because they would not understand about employee safety. They didn't care. I'm not going to work for a company that doesn't care about employee safety.

When I started the job I was excited to have it, because I still had the support of my friend. So they would come pick me up from work and I would get home at a decent hour. But, after they abandon me I had to learn to take the bus and in taking the bus I didn't get home until around 9:30pm or even 10pm sometimes. Then I had to walk a mile in the dark.

Many people say that you need to take responsibility for your own self, but I guarantee that if the shoe was their foot they would want someone to understand and support them too. Nope, I'm not looking for a pity party. I don't like those, can't stand them. Waste too much time, but I am looking for those who know how to pray to pray that justice be done in the name of Jesus Christ and that all things be ordered in the Will of Abba, Father.

The shaking: The transition to Virginia.
The beating: the unexpected event
The pressing: the aftermath of the unexpected event

You don't treat the people bad that stood in the gap and interceded for you, that prayed for you constantly, the essentially took spiritual beatings for you, that introduced you to their resources so you could try to get a job, that stood by you and prayed while everything around you was falling a part.

No, you don't treat people like that...

And no, I wasn't perfect because "hurt begets hurt" and when the hurt came my flesh rose and it was horrible. But, I repented and I apologized to them.

You don't make a promise to be their and support them and then turn around and things aren't going well in your life just act like you never said those things.

 

 

HIghlights, Updates, New Life

NO MEN, until God sends my husband. My husband is the only man that I want, after Jesus Christ. I don't want to date. I don't want to court. I just want my husband and when God send him. I will know and he will know and it will be the right fit and everything will flow in perfect order. 

I finally moved into my new place and I'm pretty happy. I have a lot of space to put all my things. The only thing now is that I just need a bed and I need to give the place a home like feeling.

God has blessed me with a job working with Children which I love, and he is opening doors for me to receive another job working more with beauty, skin care products.

I'm excited about where God is taking me. I had no idea that a month ago I would be where I am today.

There was some pain involved, as it is to be expected with all of my transitions.

The bottom line, is that God doesn't want my attention to be on any man but his son Jesus Christ.

Until He (God) is ready to give my heart to the man worthy enough and strong enough to protect it.

Here are the things that I have been praying for:

A car (good transportation)

Financial Stability

Good reports from all my grandmothers doctors

My husband to find me

For God to birth out my ministry

For the sick, the weary in spirit.

To bless the lives who showed kindness in a cheerful spirit
And opened their home to me.

By my birthday this year I want to be engaged.

Also, I want to get my masters degree in law, education, or pyschology

I'm thanking God for all of these things in advance because I know that he will provide them all. Not on my time of course. But on his time.

I'm working on reading the four gospels.

I'm also going to start working out again and eating more healthy.

Own Room. Own Bed

I never had my own place before. That is one experience that I would like to have. So, I decided to walk in faith and see what God has in store for me. I'm putting it in the atmosphere, a few examples of homes (well mansion homes) that I would like God to look into to blessing me with. Just one. Not all. 

Even if I don't get a mansion house similar to either one of these, I would still be happy with a two bedroom, with bath house with a driveway. It must be nice to have a home to go to. Your own bed. To sleep in. Your own room to put your stuff in. I remember when I had that kind of stability. My room in my aunts house was added on. I have always been the "extra room" the "third wheel" "another mouth to feed..." Stability was never and is currently not something that I have had a chance to befriend yet. It would be nice to finally have a bed to sleep in, my own bed and my own room to put my stuff in. It would be nice to have my own place, at least have that experience once in my life. But I'm waiting for God to move me to where he needs me to be. I haven't given up on the dream of having my own house one day, but I have stopped worrying myself about it. Now, I'm just letting God send me what he wants me to have. 

Reminders for the Next Great Adventure!!!!! (Pictures!)

The things and the people that I encountered, the situations that I found myself in were all unexpected.  I had a lot of fun. I wish that I would have been more adventurous. But I think in the end it all worked out as it should have.

There are some things that I want to address, as reminders. I am mainly writing this for myself, so that the next time I go out of town I will remember these things. But since this is public I hope that something that I have written is able to help you next time you travel.

Let's get started....

1. Bring extra cash.

(I did not know that you had to pay for one of your bags to be loaded on the bus. It is 15 dollars for each extra bag. Thank God that the lady wasn't hateful and mean or else I would still be stuck at the bus station with my bag lol)

2. Use a rolling travelling suitcase with a handle.

See, I thought that I would have someone to help me carry my stuff wherever I went. I also thought that the bag was not as heavy as it was. It was a field day trying to get that big suitcase all over town. The only reason why it was extra heavy is because it had my laptop in it.

The next time I travel I'm going to make it very easy on myself and on my back and just roll everything around behind me.

3. Heels are for sitting, Flats are walking

If you walk around in heels in the city your poor little toesies are going to hurt, so make sure to bring flats.

4. Don't be afraid to ask for directions

You will save a lot more time if you just walk up to someone and ask them if they know where such and such place is versus you trying to look for it yourself.

5. I didn't know it was going to get that HOT in DC, but when I was there it was hot and so I will never walk anywhere without bringing a bottle of water. OH! MY GOSH! lol

6. Also don't buy anything or do anything that you can also do back home. I spent so much money on drinks when I went out. That I forgot that I was just visiting. I did try some different kind of fruity drinks, but I can always try that being in NC for way cheaper lol

I was so happy to finally get a chance to leave NC. I needed to regroup. I needed a break and God certainly looked out for me.



 

 

 

 

 

 

 

DC Bound: No Time For Play Play

I'm finally getting a trip out of NC. It may not be much to anyone else, but sure is a lot to me. I have been in NC for too long now. I don't necessarily look at this trip at a luxury one, because when I get there I will be looking for work and working.

If I do nothing else in my life, then I need to work to make money to help my grandmother. I'm single. No children. I have both arms and legs. I'm healthy (thank you GOD for good health). So there is no excuse why I can't, should not be working.

Its strange that the people who want to work, can't find work and those who don't care if they work or not/ don't want to work can find it the easiest.

If I end up staying there then I plan on really going for my masters degree. I have a feeling that that's what I need to do. It might not be much, but I feel like I need it. So we will see. Times are tough right now. But they are only as tough as we limit ourselves to think they are... right?

With God anything and everything is possible.

Mr. Patient Honesty (Boxing Ring of Intelligence)

I met a man who had a gift to melt the ice around this heart. He had a cool confidence and his patience was incredibly strong, but gentle towards me. I could not believe that he was a real person.

My "intelligence" was on full alert!

Sarcasm and raw truth shot out like daggers...

The more I said, the more he absorbed. Every off handed comment, every sarcastic note, every indifferent glare and for the first time I thought that maybe "God" had sent someone who was strong enough to match me. Strong enough to be my friend. Strong enough to stand by my side on this battlefield that many don't realize but called: Life.

He was respectful. He listened to me speak. He opened my doors. But most importantly I felt safe in his arms. I knew that if any man tried to grab on me (as most men unapologetically do...) he would protect me.

He asked me "why are you so mean?"

I replied: "I don't know..."

In his embrace I felt the ice around my heart melt. When my voice was raised. When I acted indifferent. When I was mean. When I was sarcastic. He was patient. It was as if he knew how to counter my every "attack..."

Why does my "intelligence" naturally go into attack mode?

For protection of my heart.

Too many times in the past I shared my heart with the wrong guy. They appeared to be nice. They wanted to be close. They wanted my attention. They wanted my affection...

I have learned that even now, men still like the "cat and mouse" game. They still like to do the chasing....

The second I started to give back. I started to become aware that they liked me a lot. The second I started to show them how much I appreciated them. The moment I started to give, that's when the tables turned and instead of appreciating my giving heart... they only took what I was giving. I was so happy to meet a man that accepted my kind heart. But once they found out that I was a "giver" that's all they expected me to do. Then they stopped being givers. I thought that in order to guarantee that they would be "faithful" and "committed" to me that I had to keep giving...

But little did I know at the time, that it was all apart of a game. That's how I know that men are selfish creatures. Also, that's how I know that men are not stupid though... he read the pattern that I gave out. The more I give the more, he took, the more he would pretend. Then one day, they decide that they want more... and because I didn't have any self-worth I fought tooth and nail; drove myself half bald-headed just to try to accommodate his desires... only to find that none of what I did mattered. Because he left anyway and the woman he met after me, not only was he head over heels in love with and extremely devoted too, he also married her.

Now they have a family together and live happily ever after.

Situations like that happened more than once in my short time on this earth, as a matter of fact, they take up about 80 percent of my life. Why? Because in my old life I was desperate to find a distraction from my pain. I was so desperate to find someone who could understand all parts of me, the giver (the kind side), the scientist (the intelligent side) etc

So I told myself never again would I allow a man to degrade my self-worth. Never again would I let a man get that close to me...

I fought hard to keep him away. But even as I fought I could feel myself trusting this man, who was so patient and had a cool confidence more and more...

Even when it was time for him to go home (we spent a good bit of the evening together from about 8pm to 2am). There was something that was strong in us. You know that knot in the stomach feeling? The butterflies? Well those feelings were strong. In the midst of the situation I was trying to analyze everything, when I should have been enjoying my time with this random awesome man. Its so rare that I meet a man that I can truly say is awesome. Not awesome because he has money, wears nice clothes or has travelled... but awesome because I respect the little bit that I did know about him.

I don't think much of men these days. Matter of fact most of them could go jump into a pool of sharks and I wouldn't think much of it. Most are lazy, selfish and just take up precious oxygen for those of us that really want to use our brains to live fully functioning positive lives....

But like with most situations I knew that he would lost interest or disappear. It has been a pattern in my life ever since I started dating. Also I knew that once my heart was softened (which has been a very long time since I felt that...) that I would want more of that feeling of "safety..." I wanted to know more about this man that had the ability to soften my heart with just a simple sentence and a hug. I wanted to learn everything about him. My heart was so happy to meet a man who had the patience, the confidence etc to handle my "aggressive" side. So, I thought that we could be friends.
But in my logic I knew that we were "moving" too fast. I picked up on that way before when he and I were at a bar, and as we were leaving he walked out and saw me talking to another guy and he got upset. I thought it was strange, because he just met me, so why was he getting upset?

But I understood that in that moment he liked me more than he felt comfortable wanting to admit. When I got home and reflected on our awesome "hang out session" together. I liked him more than I was comfortable admitting. I wanted him to come back and hang out, but then he got "busy..."

And such is the story of my life...

Meet an awesome guy once in a blue moon, then he disappears or gets "busy." I sent him texts, he would text me back. But then my logic kicked in, "what's the point in having a man in my life who doesn't want to get to know me or help me in some kind of way?"
I sent one last text. He never responded.

And that was the end of that....

My intelligence went back to test, as now I'm programmed to do. I test and test and test until men do either one of two things:

1. disappear

2. challenge me back

3. Ask me why I'm still testing him?

Most just disappear. I told him that I can't associate with anyone that is weak in their heart, mind, or spirit. I need to be with a man who is strong enough to handle me through the good and the bad times... I mean, I even had to cut out friends, friends that I have known since middle school because they were too weak to handle my raw honesty.

He said that it was too soon for all of that... which I understood. But at this point in my life "too soon" is not even an option, because I could die tomorrow. So I want to make sure that the people I associate with care about my life.

The last time I went to the doctor they told me that I had a weak heart and that too much stress or pressure could give me a heart-attack, even in my early 20's. I almost died before when I gave a man a piece of my heart that all he did was step on. And ever since that time I have kept a wall around my heart....

I'm like a rose with thorns. I'm beautiful to look at, but no one can get close to me because I'll prick them. I don't mean to. At the core I'm a sweet person. But any man who wants to get close to me puts me on alert. Most men just want to hurt me, beat me down, degrade me, stomp the strength in my heart.... and mold me into the type of woman that they want me to be.

I never met a man who just wanted to protect me, until I met him... But it was nice to "rest" from having to fight for those few hours. But like I knew, he wasn't strong enough to stay in my life... so now I have to go back to protecting my heart using my God-given intelligence and strength.

 

 

But, at least I was reminded that there are men out there who still appreciate loving hearts like mine... maybe that's all I will get throughout my life. I would like to be in a relationship one day, but men just aren't strong enough to handle me.... and if they can't handle me at my worst, then they don't deserve me at my most loving.

But I'm praying I'll meet a man who will care about me even on my most unruly and "ugly" moments... *sigh* been single for awhile. But its not because I haven't tried. Its just because they(men) have been too sacred to step into the boxing ring of intelligence with me and prove to me that they are strong enough to handle me.

In My Absence... Experiences and Upgrades!

I have been MIA because of a lot of reasons, but mostly, if I had to sum it all up it would be because I start to lose hope.

There is so much that has been since I last blogged. I'm only going to recount the main highlights. If I can remember them all. lol

I guess the main thing to remember here is that my life changing. I feel like I'm just standing still but every interaction is another opportunity for personal growth in my book.

1. Women's empowerment

2. First Music Video

3. Auditioned for X-factor

Women's Empowerment

 

 

I never thought that I would make it, to be perfectly honest. There were so many models who had awesome walks. I honestly believe that God gave me favor in that situation. It was an experience that I needed to have in order to grow in my walk with Christ. I have no doubt about that. It was also a time when I discovered that I'm beautiful and that I no longer had to carry the pains of my past and the memories of those who bullied me and tortured me to no end because of a condition that I have that I can not help nor change.

 

 

This is what I will say... the experience was much needed. I had a lot of fun and I met some awesome models who were so humble and sweet. The only thing I wish there was more of was organization. I kind of felt like it was thrown together at the last minuet and we were all just expected to go with the flow of the sea or get left behind.

 

The garments that I wore were beautiful. There was this one gown by Bramer Leon that was just fabulous. I felt stunning. I felt powerful and I certainly felt classy! But I didn't get to wear it in the show because it was hard to walk in. I have been practicing since that time walking in gowns so that the next time I get into a gorgeous gown I will be able to walk in it. My heart stopped when I put that gown on and all my worries disappeared. It was a definitely a moment that I felt the presence of God in the midst of all the chaos and changes. The hair was fun and loud! and the makeup was bold, exotic and beautiful! I truly felt like a grown ass woman! haha

 

I would say that women's empowerment is a modeling experience that every model needs to have or a show very similar to it, because I learned a lot.

 

 

1. Always be on time, like a hour early just in case there is a change in plans

 

2. I always come prepared. Even if you think you don't need it. Bring it anyway.

 

3. Always be friendly and treat everyone with respect and love.

 

4. Pray all the time during rehearsals.

 

 

5. Listen. Pay attention. follow directions (makes rehearsals go by a lot faster)

 

 

6. The people who have the money make the rules. If you don't like it then you don't get to be apart of their show. That's just how it is.

 

7. Modeling is business. Its just business. Its a popular saying in the modeling world.

 

8. You have to have a "tough skin" to model because if you don't you will get eaten alive.

 

9. When you finally get your time to shine, bring it to the MAX and don't stop because the next model will outshine you if you don't take advantage of your time. Give it all you've got!

 

10. Modeling is not an easy job. Long hours, sometimes no pay but the experience actually ends up being more than the pay in some cases.

 

11. Learn all you can from those who are industry. Don't go into any casting call or audition thinking that you "KNOW EVERYTHING!" because I promise you that there will be someone there who is more experienced than you.

 

 

Music Video (Blaze- Lose it)

 

 

I never thought I would be in a music that would be nationally televised. I put it on my bucketlist lol but I always thought it would come later in life. I'm thankful nonetheless... God has a funny way of surprising me sometimes.

 

Anyway, anything you do in the entertainment business is going to be hard work. IF you think that you are just going to waltz and start making tons of money from day one then you are in the wrong business.

 

The models that I get to interact with are very sweet and humble. We all get along and we never have an issues. We all have goals and work very hard and we know and love God. 

 

The music video was a lot of work to put together. The hours were long and it took the entire day the next day to complete it so that they could get all the scenes that they needed it. But let me say this! When God is in the midst of anything that you do, all you will receive is QUALITY! QUALITY! I was sad that the video didn't get to be air on BET on the day that we were all told that it would but that's not because our team didn't have everything lined up. So it was told to us that it would air next season. 

 

I already know that God has great plans for this amazing R&B group called: Blaze! They are very respectful young men. Very professional and kept the whole team smiling all day long.

 

 

 



A lot of people forget my mentor, bestfriend, sister Malandie Winston. It is not enough to write about her in this blog. I will be writing about her more often than this because she has a lot to do with my transformation from a slave to a Queen. Let me just say for right now, that if it was not for God sending that beautiful lady in my direction I would probably dead or really messed up right now...

 

I'm very thankful for that Lady. I'm very thankful for her mother too who raised her to be a strong woman of God. So much more to say about her and her mother but I will have to stop there because when I think about how much they have helped me and how much I have grown in my walk with Christ in being around them tears come to my eyes. I felt so lost before I met Malandie Winston and I was so scared... but... let me just leave it there and say Thank you God for blessing me with her in my life.

 

X-factor Auditions

 

 

I did not expect to audition for x-factor. My grandmother said that she saw the auditions being talked about on the News or and that's when I decided to go investigate. So the day before Saturday I printed out all the necessary paperwork.

 

When I got to the line that Saturday at like 7am. I didn't think there would be that many people but there was a line. It wasn't as long as I thought. I stayed at the mall from 7am to about 4pm. My audition time was for 12:30pm but I didn't get to sing until about 2:45pm. The staff for the event were very friendly and I met some really awesome singers. Everyone was nervous! I prayed the entire time, from the time I got out of the car, while I was waiting in line to sign up and even right before my turn to sing. I sung fever (I know I need to get a new song lol) but the rendition that I did it in was different and the judges loved my passion and style, and voice. But of course they didn't pick me! That's how it always happens. They love everything about me, but they never pick me! lol

 

 

The experience was worth it. I must say that its strange that when you are standing in line waiting for you turn to be in the spotlight, everyone around is singing their hearts out and showing off but the second they step in the center of attention they seem to forget all about their confidence. That's how every audition is that I attend when it comes to singing! I know that God gifted me with a POWERHOUSE voice and I know that soon I will be able to share my gift with the world. I try not to go into an audition thinking that I'm better than anyone else or even wanting to win because just in case I don't then I won't ever be too disappointed. I will admit that this time I was little bit sad because I really wanted to travel. But that was my mistake... God isn't ready for me to travel yet. In that disappointed I had to seek advice from my best guy friend who is passionate about his walk with Christ too.

 

In that conversation he reminded me that I should be content with where I am and the peace that I now have in my life. When I ever I speak to him he always makes my problems feel so small. And it was true. Winning x-factor is not as important (not even close) than doing the work of God. I kinda got side tracked and he helped me regain focus on what was important. I also in that conversation discovered why I even associate myself with him in the first place. And it is simple because truth recognizes truth and love recognizes love. So I'm happy with the peace that he and I have now. We have come a very long way in such a short time, but I wouldn't trade where we are now in for what we use to have even if some of the moments did put a smile on my face ;)

 

 

 

 

 

Dream Big: The Singer & The Supermodel

I'm ready to travel away from NC. I feel like I'm trapped. I feel like every moment I spend in NC I'm suffocating and my abilities, talents or gifts are "drying" up. I have never wanted to fly from the nest as bad as I want to now. It is a thirst that I can not quench. 

So my goal is get to NY. It is all I dream about, even if I don't get to stay long at least I can get a chance to be somewhere, where I have a fighting chance of being heard and seen. 

I want to be in big productions, musicals, runway shows etc. I have so much talent bottled up inside of me but people in NC just look me over. There have been people who started out wanting to help me get out there but then they got distracted or they started wanting to control and possess me. They wanted to mold me into the person that they wanted me to be and it clashed horribly with who I really was in the inside. 

I spent the beginning of my twenties worrying about everyone else. I dipped in and out of relationships that led to nowhere and all I have to show for all the time and effort that I put into those relationships are bruises and scars. 

So it is time for me to step out on my own and do my own thing. I can't be afraid to let my light shine. I thought I had a team of people who I could trust, but realized that I have to put my full trust in God and let him order and direct my steps. 

Please don't get me wrong I am very thankful for all the people that God placed in my life and all the many more that I will meet on this journey. When I make it to the top I will be sure to give them recognition. I know that no matter where I go I will keep them close to my heart. Their kindness. Their Love. Gives me strength to keep going on in life. There were a lot of times when I wanted to give up on life all together. But each time I wanted to quit, there was always a voice that said "don't give up. don't quit." 

I want to be in magazines, in commercials, on TV shows, on billboards etc. I want my face to be seen everywhere! I want people to see my face so much that there won't be anywhere, where they won't see my face. I want the people who hurt me, put me down and spit on my life to see that I made it. I don't hold grudges. I forgive people. But I never forget. 

I will be a supermodel and I will sing. 

If those are the only two things that I get to do in life, then I will do them to the best of my abilities. I'm not married. I don't have any children. I have my degree. So, I don't have anything holding me back from reaching for the top. I tried to follow the rest of the world and after undergraduate school, go straight into getting my masters but everything that you could think of blocked me. It may be in the cards for me later, but not right now. 

All I need to do is meet one person who believes in my abilities the way I believe in them and then I will be okay. 

I have to be careful because "all that glitters is not gold" so sometimes even when people offer to help out of being "kind" they develop a hidden agenda. The more they help me, the more I owe them...

So I have to make sure that everything is genuine. 

I also want to go to a place where my creativity will be appreciated. Where I can write, sing and model and get recognition for my talents. People in NC move too slow for me. They also don't have much appreciation for beauty of any form or any kind. If it doesn't fit the mold, then in their eye it is not beautiful. But I'm done with that close minded thinking. I want more in life than just sitting around watching the world move. 

Church Anniversary: The Power of GOD (Family Meeting)

Yesterday February 9th 2013 my church, The First Biblican Church of Deliverance open our house so that another church New Covenant could have their 12th anniversary celebration there. 

The event was powerful! The little church that normally only has about 5-20 members was packed. We really had to get comfortable with one another. There were so many people that a couple of the men from security had to set up fold out chairs on the sides of the pews. It was the: "overflow." 

The service lasted from 7pm to almost 12am.  

I was not bothered by the length of the service. I was in awe at her confidence in God, and power. 

She speaks with authority. She speaks and mountains move to the side. It was remarkable! Liberating! She moved the audience! She allowed her body to be a vessel that God could speak through. She definitely is a warrior for Gods Love and a Gladiator for Christ. In her speaking she was gentle but firm about everything that she preached. It didn't really feel like an event, but more like a "FAMILY MEETING." 

This was not the first time that I heard her preach. This was my second time and both times my jaw was on the floor! Many of the things that she said I think about and  post on my facebook. 
One example: The floods, the tornadoes, the earthquakes (etc) those are all signs that God is cleaning up the world. Especially that Hurricane that hit NY not too long ago, that was a clear sign that God is cleaning up NY. How often do you hear of  NY being flooded out???????????? exactly! 

Transformation: Name Change(Legacy of Greatness)

Faith sees the invisible, believes the unbelievable, and receives the impossible. 

Corrie Ten Boom

I'm a writer.  It is my second passion.

I write poems, novels, short stories, screenplays, songs, speeches, you name it I love to write it. That is my second passion after singing. If I could make money writing then that would be fantastic, but unfortunately what I write is controversial and I feel like people are not ready to read it because they don't like to hear the truth. 

When I write I don't sugarcoat anything. I say it how it is and then I let the people reflect on it. I have gotten angry and hateful responses in the past for some of the things that I have written about men. It was not that they were not TRUE statements, but it was that those statements did not apply to the ones that were reading it and thus made them feel "some type of way." 

I have changed a great deal since my days in college. I have changed so much in the last six months that it even amazes me!

Granted...

This transition is not easy, because a lot of the things that I would have asked my mother I now have to go find other people to ask. I have asked God many times "why he had to take her..." but of course I never get a response. I'm in this transition for a reason. I was dealt the unlucky cards because I'm meant to be apart of something great. 

I feel it. I know it. 

If not through singing, then through writing and if not through either one of those then through sharing my big heart. For example, I love children (I don't know if I will ever have my own but...). When children see me their little eye light up and big smiles cross their faces. I work at a daycare, only a few times a month of course for now. But when I see those kids my heart just fills with all the patience and kindness and joy in the world. It is an incredible feeling. They listen and are obedient. I don't ever have to get firm with them at all. 

I'm thinking about teaching, but we will see where God needs me to be.

I have a heart bigger than the sun. I know that God gave me a big heart so that I could bless other people with it. In saying that I also have to say that, that means I must protect it with all the energy I can muster. I got rid of all my distractions. I got rid of all the people that were holding back from Greatness.

On top of the songs that I already have from my teenage years (ones that I'm revamping...), I'm also finally in a place where I can write new material. New poems. New songs. I now have the time and energy to focus on positively influencing the world. Many people want to be heard and be seen. But I want to (and will) leave behind a 

LEGACY of GREATNESS. 

I confess that this walk has not been easy. There was a point where I felt like I lost more than I had gained, but the truth is what I lost in distractions I gained in blessings. I now have more peace. I now have more humility. I now have more love in my life than I could ever imagine. I was so hurt before so much to the point that I was going to give up singing. I almost lost my gift to sing because I wanted to be distracted from the world so bad, but I firmly believe that God sent angels to keep me on the right track ;)

I think that God has a few more things to clean up in my life, a name change and then I will be all set to really change the world not just with my voice but with my heart and the one that I carry: my mothers.