Faith sees the invisible, believes the unbelievable, and receives the impossible.
Corrie Ten Boom
I'm a writer. It is my second passion.
I write poems, novels, short stories, screenplays, songs, speeches, you name it I love to write it. That is my second passion after singing. If I could make money writing then that would be fantastic, but unfortunately what I write is controversial and I feel like people are not ready to read it because they don't like to hear the truth. When I write I don't sugarcoat anything. I say it how it is and then I let the people reflect on it. I have gotten angry and hateful responses in the past for some of the things that I have written about men. It was not that they were not TRUE statements, but it was that those statements did not apply to the ones that were reading it and thus made them feel "some type of way."
I have changed a great deal since my days in college. I have changed so much in the last six months that it even amazes me!
Granted...
This transition is not easy, because a lot of the things that I would have asked my mother I now have to go find other people to ask. I have asked God many times "why he had to take her..." but of course I never get a response. I'm in this transition for a reason. I was dealt the unlucky cards because I'm meant to be apart of something great.
I feel it. I know it.
If not through singing, then through writing and if not through either one of those then through sharing my big heart. For example, I love children (I don't know if I will ever have my own but...). When children see me their little eye light up and big smiles cross their faces. I work at a daycare, only a few times a month of course for now. But when I see those kids my heart just fills with all the patience and kindness and joy in the world. It is an incredible feeling. They listen and are obedient. I don't ever have to get firm with them at all.
I'm thinking about teaching, but we will see where God needs me to be.
I have a heart bigger than the sun. I know that God gave me a big heart so that I could bless other people with it. In saying that I also have to say that, that means I must protect it with all the energy I can muster. I got rid of all my distractions. I got rid of all the people that were holding back from Greatness.
On top of the songs that I already have from my teenage years (ones that I'm revamping...), I'm also finally in a place where I can write new material. New poems. New songs. I now have the time and energy to focus on positively influencing the world. Many people want to be heard and be seen. But I want to (and will) leave behind a
LEGACY of GREATNESS.
I confess that this walk has not been easy. There was a point where I felt like I lost more than I had gained, but the truth is what I lost in distractions I gained in blessings. I now have more peace. I now have more humility. I now have more love in my life than I could ever imagine. I was so hurt before so much to the point that I was going to give up singing. I almost lost my gift to sing because I wanted to be distracted from the world so bad, but I firmly believe that God sent angels to keep me on the right track ;)
I think that God has a few more things to clean up in my life, a name change and then I will be all set to really change the world not just with my voice but with my heart and the one that I carry: my mothers.
Singer (songwriter) Life
I'm going through a name change at the moment. My singing name will be completely different than the one that I use to write with. I'm a little skeptical about this change because I have been carrying the name for so long, but the problem is that it does not reflect who I am as a singer. I'm in a different place now. I don't even carry the same energy.
Before, I was angry and mad at the world. In college I was known as: THE FEMINIST (no wonder I attracted all the bum losers). I was sending out the wrong message in the universe. Sure, I like a challenge. But the men that attracted to me want to control and manipulate me and they knew how to get to me. They knew that I felt that no man could ever match up to me. So, they played on my weakness of thinking that all men were weak. Then once they gained my trust... I became weak... In some cases too weak. So, I thank God that I was pulled away from that "comfortable decline."
I know there is a man out there who matches me perfectly in all ways, I just haven't met him yet. When I do I know that God will certainly let me know. But that is the least of my worries. This year I would like to have a
1. Stable job that pays all my bills, so that I can also help my grandmother.
2. My own place.
That's what I'm working on now.
I feel like I want to go back to school but if I went back now, it would just be a distraction from modeling (which right now is going great, you will be seeing me on the runway more and even in a music video! I'm excited!) and singing (praying that American Idol or The voice come to good ol' Raleigh, so I can show em' what I got (which is a lot haha!)!
I have a strong feeling that very soon my life is going to change for the better. A lot of people set out with the mindset that they want to be famous, but I set out knowing, believing and thinking that I want to positively influence the world. I know that my voice can and will do just that. I just need the right people, the right time and the right spirits around me.
And Greatness will unfold.
Many people gave up on me. They told me that I wasn't going to be anything. They said that I was ugly, I couldn't sing. Even tried to rip me a part for having a kind heart. All kinds of discouraging things. But, I still keep singing and I still keep loving people because after all the money is gone and all the fancy things are taken away, Singing and Love will be the two things that will remain.
Those are the things that can last for eternity.
To God be the glory!
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