JohnnyMac Jr: Making Bangers! Are You "Next Up"

Favorite Songs He Wrote: 

Follow your dreams or Divine

...is from Asbury, Park New Jersey!  At the age of 13 he started making music with his buddy for fun but boy oh boy was he terrible. Then as he matured  over the years he started to use music as a way to vent and help him out with stress.

He grew up always listening to hip-hop, and rap. He also loves jazz music and specific old school hip hop Artists such as: Eric b and Rakim, Mobb deep and many other talented Artists in those genres. 

Now, re all know kids can be harsh so when he started rapping in High School a lot of his peers would make fun of him and comment on his material telling him he "sucks." But, one day he just learned at the end of the day none of that matters if something makes you happy and you enjoy it; do you. 

When he was in his young 20's he dreamed of becoming famous and all that cool stuff but now he just does it for a hobby and of course because he enjoys making music.

When he originally started making music it was as a joke and he and his buddy would add in funny freestyles. But then around 2010 he linked up with a few kids on Facebook and he realized his style was something Legends are made out of: dope!

He taught himself how to record. The passion he feels fuels him with enthusiasm about the whole process: from listening to beats and just vibin' to tell a story. He loves every moment.

He now considers himself to be more of a lyricist. He tries to tell his stories in his songs and get them to connect with the audience. “We are all human so I know people go through some stuff” he shares and that’s something he believes that his listeners will connect with him on. 

His most current album released is called “Next Up” feat JF3RG. It’s on all major online stores just search JohnnyMac JR. He shares that nothing really inspired to he and Jf3RG to create it they just continued to mix and create new ideas by doing features and all of them were hits so they said let’s make it an album and of course every song was a banger !!!!

 The success he received motivated him to write more music and with that journey came back to back collaborations with fire Artists such as:  

Sammy Adams 

JFerg Astylez 

SnapBack 

TCTKO 

Capone Ace Montana  

Ice Kane 

Soulja Boy 

BLVZ 

Riff raff 

He and his crew had a whole movement they would do a shit ton of features with each other  and they had some heavy hitters at the time such as: LiL B, Riff Raff, and Soulja Boy on their movement. He flew out to Cali to meet up with all them and they created music and shot a few music videos. So, after that whole era they felt confident, and they were surprised that people were rocking so from there he started to take music more seriously. He wanted to explore the Music scene more so he kinda went down his own path trying to find his flow. He started telling stories of different aspects of relationships and just the shit people can connect to and his fans and followers grew seemingly overnight. 

 

So far he has performed 4 times, did a few videos on YouTube and as he stated previously he sees this as a hobby. He does this music for the fun. So, what's considered fun? The first time he ever performed! It was at Asburt Lanes in Asbury Park, New Jersey. There were about 725 people and the place was packed!  He performed his song: Follow Your Dreams and the feeling he describes as just amazing!

IF you are an Artist admiration for another Artists' work can be inspiring. Now, his all time #1 person he would love to work with is: Mac Miller (RIP). Why? because his vibe was just so perfect, very chill and he knew how to share a great story. But if he could work with an Artist as of right now it be Travis Scott, just because his energy is so LIT! 

 We want to stay in the mix with everything going on, he is currently working on his next singles and doing features. He will continue to drop music every so often and naturally he plans on dropping another album. There is no set date yet but maybe in the next 3 months. So! Be on the look out!

For More Dope Music Go To

Google - JohnnyMac JR

Instagram -  @JohnnyMacJR

Twitter - @JohnnyMac_JR

YouTube - JohnnyMac JR

 

iTunes - JohnnyMac JR

Spotify - JohnnyMac JR

+ all other streaming service 

 

Best Advice Given

Keep pushing and never give up on your dream. If you put what you want out into the universe you will receive.

She is the 1 and Only: NunAfterHours!

 

She is the 1 and only NunAfterHours

Born and raised in Henderson, NC.

She had a religious upbringing. Her father was a pastor for most of her life.

She is the middle child and has 2 sisters whom she loves very much!

She considers herself to be an entertainer. She’s a multifaceted and versatile Artist. She raps, along with writing her own music and she also loves to dance. She hasn’t had any collaborations with any artists on her most recent projects yet, but she’s looking to do a few very soon! 

The best Advice Received

You only have 1 life

 Live for you and no one else

Her latest project is her EP, entitled “Fallen Angel”. In creating this EP, she wanted to show versatility and to show people that they can’t really put her in a box. There is a compilation of genres on that project, including hip-hop, pop, and rock. 

She came up with the title for the project “Fallen Angel”, because it relates to her spreading her wings to follow her passion of music, rather than succumbing to what other people believe she should do or be. 

In High School and College she wrote poetry. She didn’t start writing music until maybe about 3 years ago. There wasn’t anyone in particular that inspired her to start making music. It was just an idea and passion that she decided take a leap of faith with! 

One of her favorite songs that she has written is called: “Fallen Angel/ Abyss.” It’s one of the few songs where she gets a little personal. On top of that she loves the switch-up in that song. 

She’s had many performances but the one that she remembers the most is the Gemynii’s “HERstory” event (11/27/2019) at Pinhook in Durham. The energy and love from the audience was amazing! She didn’t know that so many people knew the words to her songs, so she was like wow! She also met a lot of cool people that night, and of course she had a great time!

When asked what makes her stand out from other Artists she responds with grace: "I’m humble and true to myself. I don’t try to follow trends or do shit for “clout”. I don’t care about fame. What I care about is building a brand by unapologetically being myself." 

She continues to explain, "It’s easy for people to stray away from their authentic selves. Some people die without ever really living, as paradoxical as that sounds. I admit that I was on that path, until I did some soul-searching. Since I grew up sheltered in a religious household it caused me to lose my identity, and I spent many years being and feeling trapped. I was mentally and emotionally exhausted." 

She dropped out of grad school to pursue music (What a bold leap of faith; inspiring!) She wanted to step out of the shadows and do something for herself, for a change. She was fed up with trying to live up to a standard of what other people wanted her to be. She just wanted to be her! 

She continues to share with, "There is only one me. There’s no one else like me. Hate me or love me. You choose. I don’t want my fans to love me just because they think my music is dope. I want my fans to love me for who I am, because I’M dope. I’m bold, unfiltered, and strong. I’m taking my power back through music. I’m ready to share more of myself with the world!" 

There are multiple opportunities around the corner even with the the COVID-19 pandemic. Many of the music endeavors have been put on hold until further notice. Though she had a few shows cancelled/ postponed, she had a virtual live show streamed via Facebook and Instagram back in March. I plan on having another virtual show, hopefully by August. I’m also going to stream the video release for my song “Abyss”, sometime in July. So, y’all be on the lookout for that! 

She is currently working on her next EP. She haven’t decided on a name for it just yet. Her music video for “Abyss” is coming to you guys really soon! She's super excited to drop this one!

Contact Her @The Following Links

Instagram, Twitter, and Snapchat: @nunafterhours 

Artist page on Facebook: NunAfterHours 

YouTube: NunAfterHours 

 Stream NunAfterHours’ music on 

Apple Music, iTunes, Spotify, Google Play, Amazon, and Tidal. 

 

Still In Virgina No Choice But To Rise (4 Months Now)

God has placed me in an environment where I can only talk to and depend on him. He took away any form of comforting distraction. I keep trying to be "normal" but that is not what God has called me to be.

Every time a man comes in my life God cuts me right off from them, except with my last real relationship. The one that got me here in the first place. He moved me, and strangely enough he moved me five minutes away from where he lives. How interesting... right?

It almost feels like God has me sitting in the "waiting room." It could be that when he is done cleaning both of us up and strengthening our gifts that he will put us back together for his glory. But, while I'm waiting to see what the next move of God is I know that I have to continue to "be about my Father's business."

I don't know if it is wrong to miss someone or not, but the truth of the matter of my heart is that I do. I try not to dwell on it too much, but it makes me sad. That they are so close, yet so far away it seems. I can not stand in the gap and intercede on behalf of them when they are going through a spiritual battle, because God has moved me out of the way. Whatever they are going through, they have to go through alone. Just as I have to go through this alone. This time will teach us how to rely on God, wholeheartedly all the time no matter if we are together in the future or not. So, even though it hurts me, durn near breaks my heart some times. I know that it is for the best right now...

The other thing is that I'm learning men are not as strong as they like to think they are. As, God is cleaning me up to be a Queen and strengthening my mind, soul, body and spirit I realize that men are starting to come out of the woods ready to distract me and stand in my way. As soon, as the man that I love and I were separated that is when the vultures and lecherous beasts came out.

The other thing I realized is that just as God hears your prayers so can the devil. So, even though it might look like "light" does not necessarily mean it is holy and righteous light, because even satan was of the light.

I as that to say, that I thought I was going to be engaged this month, but it turns out that the guy that I was dating is not who he said he was. He talked about how he wanted honesty and communication, but the strange thing is that he didn't want honesty and communication when he was upset. See, that's the thing.

How honest and open to communication can you be no matter what emotion you are feeling? I thought because he was older that maybe he would be more mature. But, I should have known from what he told me that he was selfish and spoiled. My ears are always listening for red flag signs. He told me stories of when he would get into fights or act crazy and how people were so afraid of him that they would just let him do whatever. So, in other words... he would throw a tantrum and then he would get his way. And that doesn't fly with me...

How is the priest of the household that I live in, going to be a good explain to my sons if he is too busy being selfish and stomping around complaining about what someone did to him. "You hurt me!" No you hurt yourself, by not listening, by being distant and not communicating with me when I clearly asked you in the beginning to be honest with me at all times.

I'm not perfect, let me just say that. But, at least I take the time to reflect. I could tell by his actions that he has an abusive personality and maybe that's really why his first marriage failed. He said it was because his wife at the time was on drugs, but how do I know that he didn't influence her by being hateful, selfish, and mean to use drugs in the first place?

I thank God that he closed the door on that little "playhouse" idea. The next time I meet a man, he will have his own place, own car, a stabl job and a degree from a certified accredited college. And most importantly he will love God, be more than passionate about learning and loving GOD.



 

Life In Virginia: The Shaking, The Beating, The Pressing

                         
I'm still here in VA. I'm not really sure why, because most of those who I thought were supportive of me have turned their back against me. I really should go home, but I enjoy the church I attended and I like being apart of souls4real. They are a community gospel group, passionate and on fire for God.

Yet, in my own time I find that I am lonely and I still feel somewhat hurt by all the unexpected events that took place. Why should I stay in a town where the only person that I trusted and said that I could talk to about anything and everything, no longer wants to speak to me? The only real friend I had, can't even text me back. We went from talking every single day, to nothing at all. And there is no explanation. Just poof gone. Disappeared.

How can you tell someone that you love and care about them and then turn around and disappear on them, when they need you the most?

It is messed up. And everyone who hears that part of my testimony will agree. But, God will take care of them. I believe and trust that.

I love them very much, still yet. And whenever they want to be in my life again the door is always open. But the next time they come back they have to come back correct and in their right mind.

Right now, I have been praying for guidance in the right direction. I need to make sure that this area is where God really needs for me to be.

The other thing on top of that is that I no longer have the job that I originally started with, because they would not understand about employee safety. They didn't care. I'm not going to work for a company that doesn't care about employee safety.

When I started the job I was excited to have it, because I still had the support of my friend. So they would come pick me up from work and I would get home at a decent hour. But, after they abandon me I had to learn to take the bus and in taking the bus I didn't get home until around 9:30pm or even 10pm sometimes. Then I had to walk a mile in the dark.

Many people say that you need to take responsibility for your own self, but I guarantee that if the shoe was their foot they would want someone to understand and support them too. Nope, I'm not looking for a pity party. I don't like those, can't stand them. Waste too much time, but I am looking for those who know how to pray to pray that justice be done in the name of Jesus Christ and that all things be ordered in the Will of Abba, Father.

The shaking: The transition to Virginia.
The beating: the unexpected event
The pressing: the aftermath of the unexpected event

You don't treat the people bad that stood in the gap and interceded for you, that prayed for you constantly, the essentially took spiritual beatings for you, that introduced you to their resources so you could try to get a job, that stood by you and prayed while everything around you was falling a part.

No, you don't treat people like that...

And no, I wasn't perfect because "hurt begets hurt" and when the hurt came my flesh rose and it was horrible. But, I repented and I apologized to them.

You don't make a promise to be their and support them and then turn around and things aren't going well in your life just act like you never said those things.

 

 

The Big Move: Virginia (Stability, Peace, Love)

 

 

I came to Virginia with one thought in mind and God opened my mind to several other options. How interesting?

I'm here because there is more opportunity here for me to make a difference. I know that being in NC was not where God needed for me to be, because every door that I tried to or was already opened slammed shut in my face.

I was working around in circles. I was wasting my life.

Those of you who know a word of prayer, pray for that God sends or blesses my life with the following:

Peace
Strength
Good health
My own good reliable transportation ( a car)
Stability (financial, mental, physical, emotional, spiritual)
LOVE

Thank you. If you have any comments to leave of encouragement please leave them. All kindness and love is always welcomed.

God bless

HIghlights, Updates, New Life

NO MEN, until God sends my husband. My husband is the only man that I want, after Jesus Christ. I don't want to date. I don't want to court. I just want my husband and when God send him. I will know and he will know and it will be the right fit and everything will flow in perfect order. 

I finally moved into my new place and I'm pretty happy. I have a lot of space to put all my things. The only thing now is that I just need a bed and I need to give the place a home like feeling.

God has blessed me with a job working with Children which I love, and he is opening doors for me to receive another job working more with beauty, skin care products.

I'm excited about where God is taking me. I had no idea that a month ago I would be where I am today.

There was some pain involved, as it is to be expected with all of my transitions.

The bottom line, is that God doesn't want my attention to be on any man but his son Jesus Christ.

Until He (God) is ready to give my heart to the man worthy enough and strong enough to protect it.

Here are the things that I have been praying for:

A car (good transportation)

Financial Stability

Good reports from all my grandmothers doctors

My husband to find me

For God to birth out my ministry

For the sick, the weary in spirit.

To bless the lives who showed kindness in a cheerful spirit
And opened their home to me.

By my birthday this year I want to be engaged.

Also, I want to get my masters degree in law, education, or pyschology

I'm thanking God for all of these things in advance because I know that he will provide them all. Not on my time of course. But on his time.

I'm working on reading the four gospels.

I'm also going to start working out again and eating more healthy.

Own Room. Own Bed

I never had my own place before. That is one experience that I would like to have. So, I decided to walk in faith and see what God has in store for me. I'm putting it in the atmosphere, a few examples of homes (well mansion homes) that I would like God to look into to blessing me with. Just one. Not all. 

Even if I don't get a mansion house similar to either one of these, I would still be happy with a two bedroom, with bath house with a driveway. It must be nice to have a home to go to. Your own bed. To sleep in. Your own room to put your stuff in. I remember when I had that kind of stability. My room in my aunts house was added on. I have always been the "extra room" the "third wheel" "another mouth to feed..." Stability was never and is currently not something that I have had a chance to befriend yet. It would be nice to finally have a bed to sleep in, my own bed and my own room to put my stuff in. It would be nice to have my own place, at least have that experience once in my life. But I'm waiting for God to move me to where he needs me to be. I haven't given up on the dream of having my own house one day, but I have stopped worrying myself about it. Now, I'm just letting God send me what he wants me to have. 

Dedicated Woman of GOD: Chynadahl Malandie

Before you read this you need to know that we all fall short of the glory of God. That no human on this planet is perfect. But that God can clean up anyone for his glory. 

This entry really should go into the other blog, but this young woman has played such an important role(s) in my life that I felt it necessary to speak on it here. On the front. 

I really don't deserve to be shown such kindness, nor love because I am imperfect and I have many flaws myself which I am asking God to clean me up from. But even with me knowing that, I am still loved. 

I was never the best at public speaking, so if you Woman of God are reading this know that I love you very much and that I am very thankful and grateful that God gave you the patience and the love to deal with me. 

Exit Called: Honesty

Sometimes the truth isn't always pretty. Sometimes its tough. Sometimes its gritty. "Put your best ugly foot forward..."
I want to see if I can handle the look of the crusted big toe and the corn on the end of the pinky toe...welcome to honesty.

It is not a place that a lot of people like to go. I never use to like going there either and even now, I sometimes find it hard to even squint my eyes at the exit sign that I know will take me there. But, it seems no matter which direction you go in life. There is the honesty exit at every turn...

In My Absence... Experiences and Upgrades!

I have been MIA because of a lot of reasons, but mostly, if I had to sum it all up it would be because I start to lose hope.

There is so much that has been since I last blogged. I'm only going to recount the main highlights. If I can remember them all. lol

I guess the main thing to remember here is that my life changing. I feel like I'm just standing still but every interaction is another opportunity for personal growth in my book.

1. Women's empowerment

2. First Music Video

3. Auditioned for X-factor

Women's Empowerment

 

 

I never thought that I would make it, to be perfectly honest. There were so many models who had awesome walks. I honestly believe that God gave me favor in that situation. It was an experience that I needed to have in order to grow in my walk with Christ. I have no doubt about that. It was also a time when I discovered that I'm beautiful and that I no longer had to carry the pains of my past and the memories of those who bullied me and tortured me to no end because of a condition that I have that I can not help nor change.

 

 

This is what I will say... the experience was much needed. I had a lot of fun and I met some awesome models who were so humble and sweet. The only thing I wish there was more of was organization. I kind of felt like it was thrown together at the last minuet and we were all just expected to go with the flow of the sea or get left behind.

 

The garments that I wore were beautiful. There was this one gown by Bramer Leon that was just fabulous. I felt stunning. I felt powerful and I certainly felt classy! But I didn't get to wear it in the show because it was hard to walk in. I have been practicing since that time walking in gowns so that the next time I get into a gorgeous gown I will be able to walk in it. My heart stopped when I put that gown on and all my worries disappeared. It was a definitely a moment that I felt the presence of God in the midst of all the chaos and changes. The hair was fun and loud! and the makeup was bold, exotic and beautiful! I truly felt like a grown ass woman! haha

 

I would say that women's empowerment is a modeling experience that every model needs to have or a show very similar to it, because I learned a lot.

 

 

1. Always be on time, like a hour early just in case there is a change in plans

 

2. I always come prepared. Even if you think you don't need it. Bring it anyway.

 

3. Always be friendly and treat everyone with respect and love.

 

4. Pray all the time during rehearsals.

 

 

5. Listen. Pay attention. follow directions (makes rehearsals go by a lot faster)

 

 

6. The people who have the money make the rules. If you don't like it then you don't get to be apart of their show. That's just how it is.

 

7. Modeling is business. Its just business. Its a popular saying in the modeling world.

 

8. You have to have a "tough skin" to model because if you don't you will get eaten alive.

 

9. When you finally get your time to shine, bring it to the MAX and don't stop because the next model will outshine you if you don't take advantage of your time. Give it all you've got!

 

10. Modeling is not an easy job. Long hours, sometimes no pay but the experience actually ends up being more than the pay in some cases.

 

11. Learn all you can from those who are industry. Don't go into any casting call or audition thinking that you "KNOW EVERYTHING!" because I promise you that there will be someone there who is more experienced than you.

 

 

Music Video (Blaze- Lose it)

 

 

I never thought I would be in a music that would be nationally televised. I put it on my bucketlist lol but I always thought it would come later in life. I'm thankful nonetheless... God has a funny way of surprising me sometimes.

 

Anyway, anything you do in the entertainment business is going to be hard work. IF you think that you are just going to waltz and start making tons of money from day one then you are in the wrong business.

 

The models that I get to interact with are very sweet and humble. We all get along and we never have an issues. We all have goals and work very hard and we know and love God. 

 

The music video was a lot of work to put together. The hours were long and it took the entire day the next day to complete it so that they could get all the scenes that they needed it. But let me say this! When God is in the midst of anything that you do, all you will receive is QUALITY! QUALITY! I was sad that the video didn't get to be air on BET on the day that we were all told that it would but that's not because our team didn't have everything lined up. So it was told to us that it would air next season. 

 

I already know that God has great plans for this amazing R&B group called: Blaze! They are very respectful young men. Very professional and kept the whole team smiling all day long.

 

 

 



A lot of people forget my mentor, bestfriend, sister Malandie Winston. It is not enough to write about her in this blog. I will be writing about her more often than this because she has a lot to do with my transformation from a slave to a Queen. Let me just say for right now, that if it was not for God sending that beautiful lady in my direction I would probably dead or really messed up right now...

 

I'm very thankful for that Lady. I'm very thankful for her mother too who raised her to be a strong woman of God. So much more to say about her and her mother but I will have to stop there because when I think about how much they have helped me and how much I have grown in my walk with Christ in being around them tears come to my eyes. I felt so lost before I met Malandie Winston and I was so scared... but... let me just leave it there and say Thank you God for blessing me with her in my life.

 

X-factor Auditions

 

 

I did not expect to audition for x-factor. My grandmother said that she saw the auditions being talked about on the News or and that's when I decided to go investigate. So the day before Saturday I printed out all the necessary paperwork.

 

When I got to the line that Saturday at like 7am. I didn't think there would be that many people but there was a line. It wasn't as long as I thought. I stayed at the mall from 7am to about 4pm. My audition time was for 12:30pm but I didn't get to sing until about 2:45pm. The staff for the event were very friendly and I met some really awesome singers. Everyone was nervous! I prayed the entire time, from the time I got out of the car, while I was waiting in line to sign up and even right before my turn to sing. I sung fever (I know I need to get a new song lol) but the rendition that I did it in was different and the judges loved my passion and style, and voice. But of course they didn't pick me! That's how it always happens. They love everything about me, but they never pick me! lol

 

 

The experience was worth it. I must say that its strange that when you are standing in line waiting for you turn to be in the spotlight, everyone around is singing their hearts out and showing off but the second they step in the center of attention they seem to forget all about their confidence. That's how every audition is that I attend when it comes to singing! I know that God gifted me with a POWERHOUSE voice and I know that soon I will be able to share my gift with the world. I try not to go into an audition thinking that I'm better than anyone else or even wanting to win because just in case I don't then I won't ever be too disappointed. I will admit that this time I was little bit sad because I really wanted to travel. But that was my mistake... God isn't ready for me to travel yet. In that disappointed I had to seek advice from my best guy friend who is passionate about his walk with Christ too.

 

In that conversation he reminded me that I should be content with where I am and the peace that I now have in my life. When I ever I speak to him he always makes my problems feel so small. And it was true. Winning x-factor is not as important (not even close) than doing the work of God. I kinda got side tracked and he helped me regain focus on what was important. I also in that conversation discovered why I even associate myself with him in the first place. And it is simple because truth recognizes truth and love recognizes love. So I'm happy with the peace that he and I have now. We have come a very long way in such a short time, but I wouldn't trade where we are now in for what we use to have even if some of the moments did put a smile on my face ;)

 

 

 

 

 

Church Anniversary: The Power of GOD (Family Meeting)

Yesterday February 9th 2013 my church, The First Biblican Church of Deliverance open our house so that another church New Covenant could have their 12th anniversary celebration there. 

The event was powerful! The little church that normally only has about 5-20 members was packed. We really had to get comfortable with one another. There were so many people that a couple of the men from security had to set up fold out chairs on the sides of the pews. It was the: "overflow." 

The service lasted from 7pm to almost 12am.  

I was not bothered by the length of the service. I was in awe at her confidence in God, and power. 

She speaks with authority. She speaks and mountains move to the side. It was remarkable! Liberating! She moved the audience! She allowed her body to be a vessel that God could speak through. She definitely is a warrior for Gods Love and a Gladiator for Christ. In her speaking she was gentle but firm about everything that she preached. It didn't really feel like an event, but more like a "FAMILY MEETING." 

This was not the first time that I heard her preach. This was my second time and both times my jaw was on the floor! Many of the things that she said I think about and  post on my facebook. 
One example: The floods, the tornadoes, the earthquakes (etc) those are all signs that God is cleaning up the world. Especially that Hurricane that hit NY not too long ago, that was a clear sign that God is cleaning up NY. How often do you hear of  NY being flooded out???????????? exactly! 

2013: Year To Experiment (part 1)

This year I made up my mind to branch out of my comfort zone and try some new things. I'm not saying anything too dramatic, like try a new drug or anything (I can't mess with that type of stuff anyway. I have to keep my body clean because my body is a temple that I want Jesus Christ to "dwell" in (so to speak)). 

Try new things like: 

Get some of my poetry published. 

Audition for another musical. 

I was in one in college (an original production) and it turned out really well. There were three performance nights. The house was pretty much packed. I was surprised that I had the strength to stick with it despite the drama that I was going through at the time with my ex and his "housekeeper." 

But such is life... I'm in a completely new phase. Although, it hasn't been the easiest of phases to step into. 

One of the things that I'm going to focus on is strengthening my walk with Christ. I was already strong before. The strange thing was that it was my strength that men tried to tear down (now instead of tear it down they try to manipulate and control it...) Also, I found that my strength didn't last. So, now I rely on the strength of God to help me get through. 

In saying that I ran across a book that I found quite interesting and very fitting for this phase...

Transformation: Name Change(Legacy of Greatness)

Faith sees the invisible, believes the unbelievable, and receives the impossible. 

Corrie Ten Boom

I'm a writer.  It is my second passion.

I write poems, novels, short stories, screenplays, songs, speeches, you name it I love to write it. That is my second passion after singing. If I could make money writing then that would be fantastic, but unfortunately what I write is controversial and I feel like people are not ready to read it because they don't like to hear the truth. 

When I write I don't sugarcoat anything. I say it how it is and then I let the people reflect on it. I have gotten angry and hateful responses in the past for some of the things that I have written about men. It was not that they were not TRUE statements, but it was that those statements did not apply to the ones that were reading it and thus made them feel "some type of way." 

I have changed a great deal since my days in college. I have changed so much in the last six months that it even amazes me!

Granted...

This transition is not easy, because a lot of the things that I would have asked my mother I now have to go find other people to ask. I have asked God many times "why he had to take her..." but of course I never get a response. I'm in this transition for a reason. I was dealt the unlucky cards because I'm meant to be apart of something great. 

I feel it. I know it. 

If not through singing, then through writing and if not through either one of those then through sharing my big heart. For example, I love children (I don't know if I will ever have my own but...). When children see me their little eye light up and big smiles cross their faces. I work at a daycare, only a few times a month of course for now. But when I see those kids my heart just fills with all the patience and kindness and joy in the world. It is an incredible feeling. They listen and are obedient. I don't ever have to get firm with them at all. 

I'm thinking about teaching, but we will see where God needs me to be.

I have a heart bigger than the sun. I know that God gave me a big heart so that I could bless other people with it. In saying that I also have to say that, that means I must protect it with all the energy I can muster. I got rid of all my distractions. I got rid of all the people that were holding back from Greatness.

On top of the songs that I already have from my teenage years (ones that I'm revamping...), I'm also finally in a place where I can write new material. New poems. New songs. I now have the time and energy to focus on positively influencing the world. Many people want to be heard and be seen. But I want to (and will) leave behind a 

LEGACY of GREATNESS. 

I confess that this walk has not been easy. There was a point where I felt like I lost more than I had gained, but the truth is what I lost in distractions I gained in blessings. I now have more peace. I now have more humility. I now have more love in my life than I could ever imagine. I was so hurt before so much to the point that I was going to give up singing. I almost lost my gift to sing because I wanted to be distracted from the world so bad, but I firmly believe that God sent angels to keep me on the right track ;)

I think that God has a few more things to clean up in my life, a name change and then I will be all set to really change the world not just with my voice but with my heart and the one that I carry: my mothers.