Introducing MHolloway Photography

Marshall Holloway Jr. is from Dudley, NC but has resided in Durham, NC for the last 20 years.

• If he could do a shoot for a celebrity it would be Rihanna!
• If he could shoot anywhere in the world it would be Africa because of the scenery and the culture!!

Advice 

To any up and coming Photographers, he offers: "study your craft every day and invest all that you can in order to get it to prosper and of course love what you do."

He started his company after receiving his first DSLR (a nice camera) as a gift, and from there he knew that photography was his passion! The name of his company is MHolloway Photography. This name emerged in 2012 but he had little success at first, so he let it go. Yet, the fire still burned inside of him to capture images. So, from there he created a plan involving investments, skilled developments, reinvented himself, and gave it another shot.

He’s been sharing his creative eye for photography for approximately 8 years. His first photo-shoot experience was a family session at Duke Gardens. What he remembers most is how much he didn't know about how to operate his camera effectively (-he laughs at the memory-).

The style of photography that most interests him are dramatic, dramatic, and more dramatic images! He loves shooting late evening/night and in low light. The combination of both brings so much life to his photos!

The Photo Life

The most beneficial class that he has taken is with the highly skilled and talented Photographer and Videographer by the name of Chris Cheek. But, he also spent hours upon hours of watching tutorials and reading books at the library about photography.

Of course, with any passion, there can be challenges and he finds that he mostly has trouble getting models to manifest the most flattering facial expressions. Sometimes the weather, distractions and sometimes the frames. But overall he find a way to overcome any obstacles. 

Check out more of his work below:

mhollowayphotos.com

Instagram: mhollowayphotography

Dreams and Passions: Opera, Musical Theater, Singing

One of my biggest passions is to sing Opera, or Musical Theater in general. I only experienced musical theater once in my life, but even though it was a lot of hard work, I had a blast learning and making new friendships with the young men and women that were part of the production. 

Arise: Women's Leadership Conference

November 15-17 2013: Arise (Women's Leadership Conference)

I took a leap of faith attending this conference. I knew that I had a debt to pay, but instead of paying it I put all my trust in God. In the word he said that he would supply "all our needs..." so, I put my confidence, faith, trust and hope into that promise and followed what the holy spirit lead me to do.

Having positive women role models in your life is very important. How will you know what a Virtuous woman looks like if you have never seen one? I'm happy to say that the ladies in my god family were some of the first examples I encountered when I finally gave got serious about my walk with Christ.

I told God that I wanted to teach his people how to walk in his love, truth and peace. But, how can I be an example if I am not 1. practicing what I preach nor 2. associating myself with women who are "talking the talk and walkin in the walking" (so to speak)? When I first met the ladies in my god family I knew that my life would never be the same.

And that is how I felt after attending the Arise women's leadership Conference too. I finally had a chance to be around women who were striving and working and being dedicated to living a virtious life. I finally met young married women who were examples of a virtuous young married living. I had the opportutnity to here from seasoned Christian woman who have been married for 20 years plus about how they were lead by God to start their businesses, what their married lives were like at the beginning and how God was able to bring them full circle to a place of harmony, unity and peace in their lives today. It was beautiful.

I had my emotional moments as well.

During this time there were two things that really stuck out at me that I felt the holy spirit push me to ask God to help me with and

1. being more friendly

2. Controlling my emotions

Yes, I did a lot of praying this past weekend and reflecting. I did not do a lot of talking because I wanted to observe and take everything in. As, those of you who know me, I'm not much a big "talker" anyway. I'm a writer and a singer. IF you try to get me to go on stage and talk about a topic I freeze up! lol If you get to me to sing or even model then that is where I'm more comfortable.

But, God has called me to step outside of my comfort zone. That's why he placed me here in the first place. It is long overdue for me to rise to the calling of A: Queen and attending this conference this past weekend confirmed that even more.

I'm not like other women, in the sense that I can just sit by and do nothing. My heart, spirit and soul feel compelled to share this love that God placed within with any and everyone who needs it. There are people out there who need encouragment, hope, comfort, love, etc and God has given, not just me but many of the ladies that I know already and even those that just met this weekend this gifts and abilities to help others in that area.

God has called me to be a leader. I rejected the idea for the longest time because I did not think I was strong enough. Also, to go deeper, I did not want the "responsibility." But everything about this spiritual journey screams: LEADER! LEADER! LEADER! Time for me to stand up and "grow a backbone" and stop running from the position that GOD has called me to rise too.

He never said that it would be easy, but I know that it will be worth it because of all the lives that I will be able to encourage, support, comfort, protect, guide them to the perfect love of GOD.

 

Still In Virgina No Choice But To Rise (4 Months Now)

God has placed me in an environment where I can only talk to and depend on him. He took away any form of comforting distraction. I keep trying to be "normal" but that is not what God has called me to be.

Every time a man comes in my life God cuts me right off from them, except with my last real relationship. The one that got me here in the first place. He moved me, and strangely enough he moved me five minutes away from where he lives. How interesting... right?

It almost feels like God has me sitting in the "waiting room." It could be that when he is done cleaning both of us up and strengthening our gifts that he will put us back together for his glory. But, while I'm waiting to see what the next move of God is I know that I have to continue to "be about my Father's business."

I don't know if it is wrong to miss someone or not, but the truth of the matter of my heart is that I do. I try not to dwell on it too much, but it makes me sad. That they are so close, yet so far away it seems. I can not stand in the gap and intercede on behalf of them when they are going through a spiritual battle, because God has moved me out of the way. Whatever they are going through, they have to go through alone. Just as I have to go through this alone. This time will teach us how to rely on God, wholeheartedly all the time no matter if we are together in the future or not. So, even though it hurts me, durn near breaks my heart some times. I know that it is for the best right now...

The other thing is that I'm learning men are not as strong as they like to think they are. As, God is cleaning me up to be a Queen and strengthening my mind, soul, body and spirit I realize that men are starting to come out of the woods ready to distract me and stand in my way. As soon, as the man that I love and I were separated that is when the vultures and lecherous beasts came out.

The other thing I realized is that just as God hears your prayers so can the devil. So, even though it might look like "light" does not necessarily mean it is holy and righteous light, because even satan was of the light.

I as that to say, that I thought I was going to be engaged this month, but it turns out that the guy that I was dating is not who he said he was. He talked about how he wanted honesty and communication, but the strange thing is that he didn't want honesty and communication when he was upset. See, that's the thing.

How honest and open to communication can you be no matter what emotion you are feeling? I thought because he was older that maybe he would be more mature. But, I should have known from what he told me that he was selfish and spoiled. My ears are always listening for red flag signs. He told me stories of when he would get into fights or act crazy and how people were so afraid of him that they would just let him do whatever. So, in other words... he would throw a tantrum and then he would get his way. And that doesn't fly with me...

How is the priest of the household that I live in, going to be a good explain to my sons if he is too busy being selfish and stomping around complaining about what someone did to him. "You hurt me!" No you hurt yourself, by not listening, by being distant and not communicating with me when I clearly asked you in the beginning to be honest with me at all times.

I'm not perfect, let me just say that. But, at least I take the time to reflect. I could tell by his actions that he has an abusive personality and maybe that's really why his first marriage failed. He said it was because his wife at the time was on drugs, but how do I know that he didn't influence her by being hateful, selfish, and mean to use drugs in the first place?

I thank God that he closed the door on that little "playhouse" idea. The next time I meet a man, he will have his own place, own car, a stabl job and a degree from a certified accredited college. And most importantly he will love God, be more than passionate about learning and loving GOD.



 

Life In Virginia: The Shaking, The Beating, The Pressing

                         
I'm still here in VA. I'm not really sure why, because most of those who I thought were supportive of me have turned their back against me. I really should go home, but I enjoy the church I attended and I like being apart of souls4real. They are a community gospel group, passionate and on fire for God.

Yet, in my own time I find that I am lonely and I still feel somewhat hurt by all the unexpected events that took place. Why should I stay in a town where the only person that I trusted and said that I could talk to about anything and everything, no longer wants to speak to me? The only real friend I had, can't even text me back. We went from talking every single day, to nothing at all. And there is no explanation. Just poof gone. Disappeared.

How can you tell someone that you love and care about them and then turn around and disappear on them, when they need you the most?

It is messed up. And everyone who hears that part of my testimony will agree. But, God will take care of them. I believe and trust that.

I love them very much, still yet. And whenever they want to be in my life again the door is always open. But the next time they come back they have to come back correct and in their right mind.

Right now, I have been praying for guidance in the right direction. I need to make sure that this area is where God really needs for me to be.

The other thing on top of that is that I no longer have the job that I originally started with, because they would not understand about employee safety. They didn't care. I'm not going to work for a company that doesn't care about employee safety.

When I started the job I was excited to have it, because I still had the support of my friend. So they would come pick me up from work and I would get home at a decent hour. But, after they abandon me I had to learn to take the bus and in taking the bus I didn't get home until around 9:30pm or even 10pm sometimes. Then I had to walk a mile in the dark.

Many people say that you need to take responsibility for your own self, but I guarantee that if the shoe was their foot they would want someone to understand and support them too. Nope, I'm not looking for a pity party. I don't like those, can't stand them. Waste too much time, but I am looking for those who know how to pray to pray that justice be done in the name of Jesus Christ and that all things be ordered in the Will of Abba, Father.

The shaking: The transition to Virginia.
The beating: the unexpected event
The pressing: the aftermath of the unexpected event

You don't treat the people bad that stood in the gap and interceded for you, that prayed for you constantly, the essentially took spiritual beatings for you, that introduced you to their resources so you could try to get a job, that stood by you and prayed while everything around you was falling a part.

No, you don't treat people like that...

And no, I wasn't perfect because "hurt begets hurt" and when the hurt came my flesh rose and it was horrible. But, I repented and I apologized to them.

You don't make a promise to be their and support them and then turn around and things aren't going well in your life just act like you never said those things.

 

 

Start All Over: A Brand New Life For Me

I hate NC. I'm so ready to move away from here. 

I'm ready to have a new life. I'm ready to erase this life and start completely over with a new set of cards. 

At a young age, I knew that once my mother passed away that my life was going to be hard. That I was going to get all the messed up cards. 

I'm not really sure what God wants me to do with my life at this point. I feel like I have done everything I could possible do to get my foot in the door to success, but each time I think I'm about to go forward another door slams in my face. Another rejection. Another no!

People don't understand that attached to this door slamming is one of the biggest factors. I don't have a strong support team. I thought I could build one quickly, but as soon as I started getting serious about my walk with Christ most of the people who supported my vision disappeared. But such is the life of a lone wolf... I guess.

I had a nervous break down today, because I drove all the way around town to get to an interview an hour early in the hot ass sun, only to have the owner interview me then tell me that I need training when I have been in hostessing for five years or more. 

He didn't care that my car is fucked up and that I can't fix it. He didn't care that I used my last bit of case to get to that interview. He didn't care that my tires were bad and my car was basically falling a part. All he wanted me to do was do what he said or else I would not have the job. 

Raleigh has nothing for me. I need to move somewhere else. I need to go somewhere, where I can start all over. Be someone completely new. Where I can be and feel appreciated. 

The other part is that not having parents plays a big role too. 
I'm the only grandchild that doesn't have any parent to just help me. I keep asking for help and people look at me like I'm crazy. Like it is strange for me to even think about asking...

I don't know why my life is like this... I'm so tempted to say fuck it all. But I can't because everything that I do is connected to God. My heart beat is connected to God. I know too much about God and what God expects to turn around or to turn my back or to walk away from his truth, peace and unconditional love. 

I never thought that having a walk with Christ would be glamorous but I didn't think it would be like this. All I want to do is get out of this hole. I want to get into a two bedroom house with two bathrooms. I want a new car, mustang and I want a job. That's all. I'm not asking for anything crazy or too hard. People receive things everyday but then when it comes to me. I always get the short end of the stick. 

No one ever pays attention to the poor old wise woman, until they hit their head and get their head busted open. 

No one cares about quality, until they get tired of listening to that crap they call music nowadays. That noise with a beat to it. 

I'm so sick of this life. I want a new one. 

Dedicated Woman of GOD: Chynadahl Malandie

Before you read this you need to know that we all fall short of the glory of God. That no human on this planet is perfect. But that God can clean up anyone for his glory. 

This entry really should go into the other blog, but this young woman has played such an important role(s) in my life that I felt it necessary to speak on it here. On the front. 

I really don't deserve to be shown such kindness, nor love because I am imperfect and I have many flaws myself which I am asking God to clean me up from. But even with me knowing that, I am still loved. 

I was never the best at public speaking, so if you Woman of God are reading this know that I love you very much and that I am very thankful and grateful that God gave you the patience and the love to deal with me. 

Reminders for the Next Great Adventure!!!!! (Pictures!)

The things and the people that I encountered, the situations that I found myself in were all unexpected.  I had a lot of fun. I wish that I would have been more adventurous. But I think in the end it all worked out as it should have.

There are some things that I want to address, as reminders. I am mainly writing this for myself, so that the next time I go out of town I will remember these things. But since this is public I hope that something that I have written is able to help you next time you travel.

Let's get started....

1. Bring extra cash.

(I did not know that you had to pay for one of your bags to be loaded on the bus. It is 15 dollars for each extra bag. Thank God that the lady wasn't hateful and mean or else I would still be stuck at the bus station with my bag lol)

2. Use a rolling travelling suitcase with a handle.

See, I thought that I would have someone to help me carry my stuff wherever I went. I also thought that the bag was not as heavy as it was. It was a field day trying to get that big suitcase all over town. The only reason why it was extra heavy is because it had my laptop in it.

The next time I travel I'm going to make it very easy on myself and on my back and just roll everything around behind me.

3. Heels are for sitting, Flats are walking

If you walk around in heels in the city your poor little toesies are going to hurt, so make sure to bring flats.

4. Don't be afraid to ask for directions

You will save a lot more time if you just walk up to someone and ask them if they know where such and such place is versus you trying to look for it yourself.

5. I didn't know it was going to get that HOT in DC, but when I was there it was hot and so I will never walk anywhere without bringing a bottle of water. OH! MY GOSH! lol

6. Also don't buy anything or do anything that you can also do back home. I spent so much money on drinks when I went out. That I forgot that I was just visiting. I did try some different kind of fruity drinks, but I can always try that being in NC for way cheaper lol

I was so happy to finally get a chance to leave NC. I needed to regroup. I needed a break and God certainly looked out for me.



 

 

 

 

 

 

 

DC Bound: No Time For Play Play

I'm finally getting a trip out of NC. It may not be much to anyone else, but sure is a lot to me. I have been in NC for too long now. I don't necessarily look at this trip at a luxury one, because when I get there I will be looking for work and working.

If I do nothing else in my life, then I need to work to make money to help my grandmother. I'm single. No children. I have both arms and legs. I'm healthy (thank you GOD for good health). So there is no excuse why I can't, should not be working.

Its strange that the people who want to work, can't find work and those who don't care if they work or not/ don't want to work can find it the easiest.

If I end up staying there then I plan on really going for my masters degree. I have a feeling that that's what I need to do. It might not be much, but I feel like I need it. So we will see. Times are tough right now. But they are only as tough as we limit ourselves to think they are... right?

With God anything and everything is possible.

The Biggest Move: Things to Do, Places to See, People to Meet

I have a dream: To get out of North Carolina.

I have been here way too long. Everyone that I meet is starting to sound the same and look the same.

I'm ready to move, but the trouble is that if I make the wrong move I could invite trouble into my life.

I like the peace that I have. Yet, I wish I could travel and still maintain the peace.

I feel like I keep trying everything that I can think of and nothing is working. I swear that the entire NC has seen my resume and no one seems to want to hire me for anything, not even washing dishes. It can't be anything that I have said or done because all they know of me is by my resume. So, I nit picked my resume and even had a few friends review to make sure that it was presentable... but still no change.

The other thing the modeling thing hasn't moved much. The last major thing I was in was women's empowerment. I poured my heart and soul into doing that show only to find that I was only given 15 seconds on the stage and I still didn't get any photos back, because I have to pay for them.... (even though I didn't get paid for doing the show in the first place....see how NC works?)

I need a job. I need a place to live and a need another car, it doesn't have to be fancy just something that actually starts when you put the key in the ignition the first time.

I had a few people claim that they would help me get this modeling and singing thing off the ground, but for some reason either they only committed to one task and then disappeared or they got distracted and forgot about me.... that seems to be the case, the latter of the two. I'm always being forgotten.

I'm tired of people not knowing my name or comparing me with other people.

I'm tired of sitting in NC wasting my life, when everyone else is moving forward.

I'm tired of people telling me to be patient when they are driving in a new car, have their own bed to sleep in and have all the things that they need and want.

I'm tired of being at the bottom, when I know that I know, that I KNOW that my place is at the top.

I'm thinking of switching the game entirely and really shocking people, not because I want to but because I need to make money to support myself. It's not like I have a husband or even a dad that helps me full time or any parents at all for that matter so I'm pretty much on my own....

If it wasn't for my grandmother I would really be in trouble because she is the only one (out of my biologically family) besides my step dad once in a blue moon that helps me do anything. My aunts have given up on me. They (like I always knew they felt) see me as a burden "another mouth to feed" and don't care if I make it in life or not....

I know that I have to make a choice soon and get my life started. I thought about going into the military. I have said this so many times now that I'm really considering it because it seems to be my option left other than going to the "dark side" and degrading myself which breaks my heart just to think about even doing....

I want to go where the beautiful people are. People who look like me. People who take care of themselves and hold themselves to a higher standard. I want to be in every magazine, commercial, billboard, runway, tv show that there is and I want people to know who I am. I want to sing and make music that people fall in love with. I want to go where people are friendly, talk and have conversations with you because they want to get to know you. I want to go where things happen. Where people appreciate, respect and admire the beautiful people that God created....  

Where change happens every day. I feel like NC is a hole in the wall. A waste land for people who have either given up on life or have travelled all over the world and are ready to settle down and reflect on their memories...



Although, many people have said many encouraging words they are really helping that much (right now) because what I need is a job that I can do with full quality, so I can save up money to travel to some of the places below:

*New York*

 

 

 

Miami, Florida

 

 

LA, California

 

 

Virgin Islands

 

 

Tokyo, Japan

 

 

 

Greece

 

Spain

 

 

These are only a few places that I hope to travel to one day... but either way if I can just get out of North Carolina then I will be happy. 

 

 

 

 

 





 

 



 

 



 



In My Absence... Experiences and Upgrades!

I have been MIA because of a lot of reasons, but mostly, if I had to sum it all up it would be because I start to lose hope.

There is so much that has been since I last blogged. I'm only going to recount the main highlights. If I can remember them all. lol

I guess the main thing to remember here is that my life changing. I feel like I'm just standing still but every interaction is another opportunity for personal growth in my book.

1. Women's empowerment

2. First Music Video

3. Auditioned for X-factor

Women's Empowerment

 

 

I never thought that I would make it, to be perfectly honest. There were so many models who had awesome walks. I honestly believe that God gave me favor in that situation. It was an experience that I needed to have in order to grow in my walk with Christ. I have no doubt about that. It was also a time when I discovered that I'm beautiful and that I no longer had to carry the pains of my past and the memories of those who bullied me and tortured me to no end because of a condition that I have that I can not help nor change.

 

 

This is what I will say... the experience was much needed. I had a lot of fun and I met some awesome models who were so humble and sweet. The only thing I wish there was more of was organization. I kind of felt like it was thrown together at the last minuet and we were all just expected to go with the flow of the sea or get left behind.

 

The garments that I wore were beautiful. There was this one gown by Bramer Leon that was just fabulous. I felt stunning. I felt powerful and I certainly felt classy! But I didn't get to wear it in the show because it was hard to walk in. I have been practicing since that time walking in gowns so that the next time I get into a gorgeous gown I will be able to walk in it. My heart stopped when I put that gown on and all my worries disappeared. It was a definitely a moment that I felt the presence of God in the midst of all the chaos and changes. The hair was fun and loud! and the makeup was bold, exotic and beautiful! I truly felt like a grown ass woman! haha

 

I would say that women's empowerment is a modeling experience that every model needs to have or a show very similar to it, because I learned a lot.

 

 

1. Always be on time, like a hour early just in case there is a change in plans

 

2. I always come prepared. Even if you think you don't need it. Bring it anyway.

 

3. Always be friendly and treat everyone with respect and love.

 

4. Pray all the time during rehearsals.

 

 

5. Listen. Pay attention. follow directions (makes rehearsals go by a lot faster)

 

 

6. The people who have the money make the rules. If you don't like it then you don't get to be apart of their show. That's just how it is.

 

7. Modeling is business. Its just business. Its a popular saying in the modeling world.

 

8. You have to have a "tough skin" to model because if you don't you will get eaten alive.

 

9. When you finally get your time to shine, bring it to the MAX and don't stop because the next model will outshine you if you don't take advantage of your time. Give it all you've got!

 

10. Modeling is not an easy job. Long hours, sometimes no pay but the experience actually ends up being more than the pay in some cases.

 

11. Learn all you can from those who are industry. Don't go into any casting call or audition thinking that you "KNOW EVERYTHING!" because I promise you that there will be someone there who is more experienced than you.

 

 

Music Video (Blaze- Lose it)

 

 

I never thought I would be in a music that would be nationally televised. I put it on my bucketlist lol but I always thought it would come later in life. I'm thankful nonetheless... God has a funny way of surprising me sometimes.

 

Anyway, anything you do in the entertainment business is going to be hard work. IF you think that you are just going to waltz and start making tons of money from day one then you are in the wrong business.

 

The models that I get to interact with are very sweet and humble. We all get along and we never have an issues. We all have goals and work very hard and we know and love God. 

 

The music video was a lot of work to put together. The hours were long and it took the entire day the next day to complete it so that they could get all the scenes that they needed it. But let me say this! When God is in the midst of anything that you do, all you will receive is QUALITY! QUALITY! I was sad that the video didn't get to be air on BET on the day that we were all told that it would but that's not because our team didn't have everything lined up. So it was told to us that it would air next season. 

 

I already know that God has great plans for this amazing R&B group called: Blaze! They are very respectful young men. Very professional and kept the whole team smiling all day long.

 

 

 



A lot of people forget my mentor, bestfriend, sister Malandie Winston. It is not enough to write about her in this blog. I will be writing about her more often than this because she has a lot to do with my transformation from a slave to a Queen. Let me just say for right now, that if it was not for God sending that beautiful lady in my direction I would probably dead or really messed up right now...

 

I'm very thankful for that Lady. I'm very thankful for her mother too who raised her to be a strong woman of God. So much more to say about her and her mother but I will have to stop there because when I think about how much they have helped me and how much I have grown in my walk with Christ in being around them tears come to my eyes. I felt so lost before I met Malandie Winston and I was so scared... but... let me just leave it there and say Thank you God for blessing me with her in my life.

 

X-factor Auditions

 

 

I did not expect to audition for x-factor. My grandmother said that she saw the auditions being talked about on the News or and that's when I decided to go investigate. So the day before Saturday I printed out all the necessary paperwork.

 

When I got to the line that Saturday at like 7am. I didn't think there would be that many people but there was a line. It wasn't as long as I thought. I stayed at the mall from 7am to about 4pm. My audition time was for 12:30pm but I didn't get to sing until about 2:45pm. The staff for the event were very friendly and I met some really awesome singers. Everyone was nervous! I prayed the entire time, from the time I got out of the car, while I was waiting in line to sign up and even right before my turn to sing. I sung fever (I know I need to get a new song lol) but the rendition that I did it in was different and the judges loved my passion and style, and voice. But of course they didn't pick me! That's how it always happens. They love everything about me, but they never pick me! lol

 

 

The experience was worth it. I must say that its strange that when you are standing in line waiting for you turn to be in the spotlight, everyone around is singing their hearts out and showing off but the second they step in the center of attention they seem to forget all about their confidence. That's how every audition is that I attend when it comes to singing! I know that God gifted me with a POWERHOUSE voice and I know that soon I will be able to share my gift with the world. I try not to go into an audition thinking that I'm better than anyone else or even wanting to win because just in case I don't then I won't ever be too disappointed. I will admit that this time I was little bit sad because I really wanted to travel. But that was my mistake... God isn't ready for me to travel yet. In that disappointed I had to seek advice from my best guy friend who is passionate about his walk with Christ too.

 

In that conversation he reminded me that I should be content with where I am and the peace that I now have in my life. When I ever I speak to him he always makes my problems feel so small. And it was true. Winning x-factor is not as important (not even close) than doing the work of God. I kinda got side tracked and he helped me regain focus on what was important. I also in that conversation discovered why I even associate myself with him in the first place. And it is simple because truth recognizes truth and love recognizes love. So I'm happy with the peace that he and I have now. We have come a very long way in such a short time, but I wouldn't trade where we are now in for what we use to have even if some of the moments did put a smile on my face ;)

 

 

 

 

 

Church Anniversary: The Power of GOD (Family Meeting)

Yesterday February 9th 2013 my church, The First Biblican Church of Deliverance open our house so that another church New Covenant could have their 12th anniversary celebration there. 

The event was powerful! The little church that normally only has about 5-20 members was packed. We really had to get comfortable with one another. There were so many people that a couple of the men from security had to set up fold out chairs on the sides of the pews. It was the: "overflow." 

The service lasted from 7pm to almost 12am.  

I was not bothered by the length of the service. I was in awe at her confidence in God, and power. 

She speaks with authority. She speaks and mountains move to the side. It was remarkable! Liberating! She moved the audience! She allowed her body to be a vessel that God could speak through. She definitely is a warrior for Gods Love and a Gladiator for Christ. In her speaking she was gentle but firm about everything that she preached. It didn't really feel like an event, but more like a "FAMILY MEETING." 

This was not the first time that I heard her preach. This was my second time and both times my jaw was on the floor! Many of the things that she said I think about and  post on my facebook. 
One example: The floods, the tornadoes, the earthquakes (etc) those are all signs that God is cleaning up the world. Especially that Hurricane that hit NY not too long ago, that was a clear sign that God is cleaning up NY. How often do you hear of  NY being flooded out???????????? exactly! 

2013: Year To Experiment (part 1)

This year I made up my mind to branch out of my comfort zone and try some new things. I'm not saying anything too dramatic, like try a new drug or anything (I can't mess with that type of stuff anyway. I have to keep my body clean because my body is a temple that I want Jesus Christ to "dwell" in (so to speak)). 

Try new things like: 

Get some of my poetry published. 

Audition for another musical. 

I was in one in college (an original production) and it turned out really well. There were three performance nights. The house was pretty much packed. I was surprised that I had the strength to stick with it despite the drama that I was going through at the time with my ex and his "housekeeper." 

But such is life... I'm in a completely new phase. Although, it hasn't been the easiest of phases to step into. 

One of the things that I'm going to focus on is strengthening my walk with Christ. I was already strong before. The strange thing was that it was my strength that men tried to tear down (now instead of tear it down they try to manipulate and control it...) Also, I found that my strength didn't last. So, now I rely on the strength of God to help me get through. 

In saying that I ran across a book that I found quite interesting and very fitting for this phase...

Transformation: Name Change(Legacy of Greatness)

Faith sees the invisible, believes the unbelievable, and receives the impossible. 

Corrie Ten Boom

I'm a writer.  It is my second passion.

I write poems, novels, short stories, screenplays, songs, speeches, you name it I love to write it. That is my second passion after singing. If I could make money writing then that would be fantastic, but unfortunately what I write is controversial and I feel like people are not ready to read it because they don't like to hear the truth. 

When I write I don't sugarcoat anything. I say it how it is and then I let the people reflect on it. I have gotten angry and hateful responses in the past for some of the things that I have written about men. It was not that they were not TRUE statements, but it was that those statements did not apply to the ones that were reading it and thus made them feel "some type of way." 

I have changed a great deal since my days in college. I have changed so much in the last six months that it even amazes me!

Granted...

This transition is not easy, because a lot of the things that I would have asked my mother I now have to go find other people to ask. I have asked God many times "why he had to take her..." but of course I never get a response. I'm in this transition for a reason. I was dealt the unlucky cards because I'm meant to be apart of something great. 

I feel it. I know it. 

If not through singing, then through writing and if not through either one of those then through sharing my big heart. For example, I love children (I don't know if I will ever have my own but...). When children see me their little eye light up and big smiles cross their faces. I work at a daycare, only a few times a month of course for now. But when I see those kids my heart just fills with all the patience and kindness and joy in the world. It is an incredible feeling. They listen and are obedient. I don't ever have to get firm with them at all. 

I'm thinking about teaching, but we will see where God needs me to be.

I have a heart bigger than the sun. I know that God gave me a big heart so that I could bless other people with it. In saying that I also have to say that, that means I must protect it with all the energy I can muster. I got rid of all my distractions. I got rid of all the people that were holding back from Greatness.

On top of the songs that I already have from my teenage years (ones that I'm revamping...), I'm also finally in a place where I can write new material. New poems. New songs. I now have the time and energy to focus on positively influencing the world. Many people want to be heard and be seen. But I want to (and will) leave behind a 

LEGACY of GREATNESS. 

I confess that this walk has not been easy. There was a point where I felt like I lost more than I had gained, but the truth is what I lost in distractions I gained in blessings. I now have more peace. I now have more humility. I now have more love in my life than I could ever imagine. I was so hurt before so much to the point that I was going to give up singing. I almost lost my gift to sing because I wanted to be distracted from the world so bad, but I firmly believe that God sent angels to keep me on the right track ;)

I think that God has a few more things to clean up in my life, a name change and then I will be all set to really change the world not just with my voice but with my heart and the one that I carry: my mothers.