This entry really should go into the other blog, but this young woman has played such an important role(s) in my life that I felt it necessary to speak on it here. On the front.
I really don't deserve to be shown such kindness, nor love because I am imperfect and I have many flaws myself which I am asking God to clean me up from. But even with me knowing that, I am still loved.
I was never the best at public speaking, so if you Woman of God are reading this know that I love you very much and that I am very thankful and grateful that God gave you the patience and the love to deal with me.
When I met this young woman I was beaten up, depressed, on the verge of suicide and had no focus nor will to try at life. I generally stay to myself anyway, but on this particular night I just wanted to get out of the house. I was always walking into a trap because I was meeting a man friend ( a complete stranger) at a bar, alone.
When I approached the bar, I noticed her standing with her guy friend. They were standing on the curb near a car. I walked up to her (I did not know where I got that strength, confidence nor courage to do so) and I said something along the lines of "I think I'm suppose to come talk to you..."
And that's how our story began.
This young woman is a powerful woman of God. She loves people unconditionally and she tries to help them as best she can. At the time my gift of discernment was not where it is today and I assumed that she was just another talent scout out to find new talent to make money off of.
But when I had my first meeting with her. I knew that something was different about this lady. When I spoke she listened to every word that I said and instead of just assuming that I wanted her to make me into a "star." She asked me, in a kind, patient, gentle voice, "so what do you want from me?"
I could have said anything. I want fame! I want to be a supermodel! I want money! I want cars, fancy clothes, my choosing of sexy men!
But I said none of those...
I respond with... "I need guidance..."
I have never met a woman so dedicated to helping other people as I have her. This beautiful woman of God is known by Chynadahl Malandie.
When I had my first one on one meeting with her, she did not pick me a part and tell me about all the things that she could "fix" about me. I was hurting, something terrible and all I wanted to do was go run and hide into a cave. At the time I was still dilly dallying with an abusive relationship. Why? Because I felt like no other man would give me the attention and validation that he did. I was convinced that my beauty was the reason he stuck around and that as long as he saw me as beautiful I could always have his affections.
But the truth is: That beauty does fade and when his true colors were exposed, my beauty did not matter. He wanted to use women. After I met said woman of God, I stopped wanting to be used. He disagreed and our paths diverged.
I'm writing about this now, because this month last year began the dramatic change of my life. I started my walk with Christ. Although, it was rough the first month or two I had plenty of help to keep me focused. There was something specific that God wanted me to know and he used her to help me identify and understand it.
I feel compelled, moved to protect this woman of GOD with my life. I laugh when I think about it, ha ha "she doesn't need my protection!" But I still feel that way even if I know that she does not. I know that she is protected and loved by God, so instead of trying to protect her I just pray for her and spend time with her when I'm not out looking for a job or helping my grandmother.
People do not give her enough credit. She is talented. She writes (music, poetry, screenplays etc) She sings. She acts. She dances. She models. She hosts events. I have watched her over this time and have very much grown to admire her bold spirit. But, where most would think that she is being conceited. I see that she is just extremely confident in GOD and in Gods promises. In everything that she does she keeps GOD first (and I do mean everything!).
She has a quiet strength about her. If she it is put in her spirit to share her testimony with you. I advise that you listen very carefully. She has good insights and many life experiences. If God did not place her in my path I don't know how I could have gotten through...
The other thing was that even though she and I had just met she was more of a friends, big sister, motherly figure than I had ever experienced before. She only knew me for a few days after we met but when I got into my car accident I called her and she came to get me. She didn't complain. She didn't make a fuss. She just asked me where I was and told me she was on her way.
She walks in her anointing with no fear of what others think or say, yet she is humble. You do not hear her boast of her strength or of her ability to do anything. She gives God all the glory.
When I met this young woman I wanted to be just like her. I was almost like her shadow. She went somewhere and I wanted to go. She did that and I wanted to do that too. But as I got stronger in my walk with Christ I realized that her path and my path although they meet they are on different levels. One path is not better than the other. But they are just different, yet both strong.
I thought that I needed to have her strength, but she always reminded me to seek strength from GOD and no one else.
The critical point in my choice to "fight for my sanity" was when she told me that I am "more than a conqueror." I did not understand what that meant at the time. I was too low in my self esteem, heart broken and depressed to really pay attention.
I wanted to run to the arms of a man, but she taught me that the men in the world can not do anything for me that Jesus Christ (Yeshua) can not match and do better. She reminded me constantly to put Christ first. She had serious moments. She had funny moments. But either way she reminded me that Jesus Christ (Yeshua) is the only man that I need to focus on.
I come from a family of mostly strong women, but not spiritually strong the way she is. That is not to say that they are bad or less good, but it is to distinguish that there are different strengths for different aspects of life. And although, my grandmother, and aunts went to church they were not bonded to the heart of God as much as they probably would have liked to have been.
My eldest aunt had a connection, but mostly she use to go to church for form and fashion. She wanted to keep her name good in the community.
My second eldest aunt attended church, but she was more laid back about it. If she went then she went. If she did not. Then it did not appear to affect the rest of her life either way.
My mother was more spiritual. She was certainly a praying warrior as I have seen members from our church come over to sit and chat with her and she would pray over them, then they would pray over her.
I'm sure that my aunts are very much different now. People grow at different speeds in a zone known as "time."
But even so, I have never seen a spiritual strength like that of my spiritual mentor's. She helps a lot of young woman realize their self worth. All the things that I had ranted and scream about ever since my freshman year in college she recognizes and understands. She taught me how to see myself as the "head" and not the "tail." That through Christ I am someone special and worthy of love. But most importantly that I am more than my circumstance.
I thank God for blessing her with patience, kindness, and love in her heart to deal with someone "different" like me.
No comments:
Post a Comment